*LIKE, TURN DOWN YOUR LIGHTS, KAY?*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The spy world isn't what it used to be....)
CCST3K’s Magical MSTery Tour Productions Presents…
"TOTALLY SPIES THEATER 3000" (SEASON ONE)
EPISODE 6: BLIND DATE
(A King of Fighters MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
“Totally Spies” is the property of Marathon Animation.
Diana Lombard and any references to “Martin Mystery” are the
property of Alfredo Castelli and (surprise!)
“The King of Fighters” is the property of SNK/Eolith/Playmore.
“Blind Date” is the property of The Unknown1 and is used with permission.
I do not intend to offend him by making fun of his work like this but
I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)
(Cue "Totally Spies Theater 3000 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....) In the not-too-distant future,
Way down in WOOHP 13
There was a guy named Jerry,
Who had brand new scheme.
He had some spies who drove
him nuts,
So he used a plan, which
took some guts.
He made them all his new
test case.
So he crammed them in a
rocket
And he shot them into
space!!
(Clover: JERRRRYYYYY!!!!)
(Sam and Alex: Get us
DOWN!!)
Oh, we’ll send them crappy fanfics,
The worst we can find (la,
la, la)
And they’ll have to sit and
read them all
And we’ll monitor their
minds. (la, la, la)
Now keep in mind the spies
can’t control,
Where the fanfics begin or end (la, la, la)
So they’ll try to keep their
sanity
Until this
series ends.
SPY GIRL ROLL CALL:
Diana:
“I’m not even in this show!”
Alex:
“Hi,
there!”
Sam:
“The smart
one.”
CLOOOOOOOVER!!
“As if.”
If you’re wondering how they
eat and breathe,
And other science facts (la,
la, la)
Then repeat to yourself:
*It’s just a show!*
I should really just relax
For TOTALLY SPIES THEATER
3000!
(Sam, Alex and Clover:
What-EVER!)
**
[PART 1]
**
[SATELLITE OF SPIES]
<We’re
back aboard the Satellite of Spies, WHOOP’s experimental
orbital fanfiction theater. But all is not as usual
on the SOS. The satellite was meant to hold Sam, Alex and Clover and keep them
out of Jerry’s hair (insert your own bald joke here),
there’s a new agent from a completely different agency, Diana Lombard on board.
Since neither secret agency wants to let the other know anything, she’s stuck
with or trio of fashion-obsessed
Clover: I still think this is all Alex’s fault.
Alex: Wha--?! Why me?!
Clover: Face it, Alex. Whatever it was that ticked off Jerry and made him ship us up here was probably your fault.
Sam:<heavy sarcasm> Yeah. We all know *you* never make mistakes, right, Clover?
Clover: Look, I said I was sorry about that.
Sam: You blew up Jerry’s car, Clover.
Clover: I didn’t know the hairspray was loaded!
<Diana wanders in>
Diana: Is that all you three do all the time? Argue?
Alex:<pensive> Well, sometimes we shop and chase boys and…
<Diana rolls her eyes>
Diana: If I wanted to be surrounded by yelling I could’ve stayed with my stupid step-brother.
Clover: Oh, yeah. You mentioned him before. Say, he isn’t a hottie by chance, is he?
Diana: You’ve never met Martin, so I’ll forgive you asking that idiotic question.
Sam: Let me guess, he has a good personality, right?
Diana: He doesn’t even have that.
Alex: Ouch…
<A light flashes on the SOS control console>
Diana: Hey! That thing is flashing again.
Clover: Great…. I wonder what Jerry wants now.
<Clover smacks the button>
**
[WOOHP 13]
<Jerry, older balding British guy and head of WOOHP, sits behind his desk going though stacks of papers>
Jerry: Blast… I really should hire a new assistant to take care of some of this. <notices the comm is on.> Ahh… Good afternoon, girls.
Clover:<over intercom> It was until you called…
Jerry: I’m afraid I’m in a bit of a hurry today, so I’ll cut right to the chase. Today’s story is based on the ‘King of Fighters’ series. It’s called “Blind Date’. <smirks> Something I believe you’re familiar with Clover.
**
[SATELLITE OF SPIES]
<Clover responds by sticking out her tongue at Jerry>
Sam:<sarcastic> Don’t offer it unless you plan to use it, Clover.
<Clover’s face turns bright red and she turns away>
Jerry:<over intercom> Any questions?
Diana: Yeah. When can I get out of---
Jerry:<over intercom> None? Good. Enjoy the fanfic, ladies.
<Alarms and sirens go off.>
Sam: WE’VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!
Diana: …here…. Dammit…
(Door 6: It’s Clover’s walk-in closet. The doors slide open and you walk through.)
(Door 5: It’s Sam’s front door. She forgot her key so Alex needs to use a hairpin to pick the lock.)
(Door 4: It’s the spies’ wardrobe. You spend twenty minutes trying to find your way to the other side.)
(Door 3: It’s a waterfall. The girls freeze it and smash through.)
(Door 2: It’s a mirror. Once you pry the girls away from checking their makeup, you move on.)
(Door 1: It’s a trap door. You fall through it.)
(Door .7: The camera pans downward to a giant ‘WHOOP’ logo. The second ‘O’ opens up and you walk through..)
Sam,
Alex, Clover and Diana take their seats in the front row.
>Wrote
this while listening to "Beat It" by Michael Jackson. ^_^
Sam: I wouldn’t say that out loud if I were you.
>Blind Date
Alex:<confused> Ray Charles?
>Chapter 1
Clover: Audience: Zero.
>The most evil creation yet.....
Diana:<ominous> Television.
>"I've done it!" Igniz said.
"Finally, my glourious creation is done."
Sam: If he builds the way he spells, I’d say we’re pretty safe.
>Igniz had been busy making his greatest creation
ever. Now he would revive the glory of NESTS, and all who oppose them would
fall victim to Igniz's latest >creation.
Alex: Well, it can’t be any goofier than trying to take over the world using Kyo clones.
Clover:<Igniz> Hey! It worked for the Sith.
>It was evil...
>
>It was unholy.....
>
>It was.....
Diana: …Tom Green!
>"AN ONLINE DATING SERVICE?!?!?!?" Misty,
Igniz's wife, said in shock. "THIS IS YOUR 'OH
SO EVIL' CREATION?"
<The girls wince>
Clover: Geez… Who put the bitch sauce in her coffee?
Diana: I guess this is Pokemon’s Misty.
>"Of course, my dear." Igniz said with a laugh. "But it's not just any online
dating service. It's one that caters dircetly to
fighters.
Sam:<Misty> It does what?
Alex: Igniz has got to cut back on the booze.
>They
will try and find love online, and then I will pair them up in the most evil of
ways, and the most evil of dates, and then while they're distracted.I
shall rule the >world." Then Igniz did a meglomaniac laugh.
Clover:<Igniz> I learned that from Naga.
Diana: Sadly, his plot was foiled when he tried to find a match for Chin.
>"Alright...." Misty said, sweatdropping.
>
>"And what happens if they really find love?" K9999 asked in a
bored voice.
Sam: Hey… Where are Kula, Angel and Foxy while all this is happening?
Diana: Probably updating their resumes.
>"In that case, I will transfer their thoughts of love to this
machine..." Igniz pointed to a machine. "It
will transfer it into power, and then I will rule with that
>power....." Then Igniz laughed again.
Alex: How would that work?
Sam: I dunno… Same way the Zero Cannon did in KOF 2000, I guess.
Alex: How did that work?
Sam: Plot contrivance.
>"Your not drunk again, are you?" Misty
asked
Clover:<Igniz> No. That’s not my drunk.
>"Only on power, my dear. Now I will send my advertisments to the fighters..."
>
>A few minutes later, the evil was spread over the 'Net.
Diana: Until the evil was crashed by two fifteen year-old hackers.
>Blind Date
>
>Chapter 2
Sam: Attack of the Clones.
Clover: No. That would be a Street Fighter fic.
>Big man needs a date
>
>"It's that time again, Chang and Choi.." Kim said, with a smirk on his face.
Alex: Ick… I am SO not touching
that one.
>"Training time already, Master Kim?"
Chang and Choi said in unison. "It's only
>
>"Of course! Evil never sleeps, and therefore justice can never
sleep either." Kim stated, flashing that trademark smile with a '
Diana:<Kim> Hi! I’m Troy McClure!
Sam: What does May Lee see in this guy?
Clover: Same thing Sakura sees in Ryu,
I guess.
>"Gyah!" Choi said. "That smile of
your scares me."
>
>"No, it just scares the evil inside you. Now come along..."
Alex:<Kim> Time for your morning beating.
>"Can't I at least check my e-mail, Master Kim? I havent
checked it in a while..."
Diana:<Kim> I think your spam can wait a couple of hours.
Sam: We’ve all become slaves of the cyberworld.
>"Alright. I'll wait till
>
>"Why do you need to check your e-mail? All you get is spam and
junk." Choi said.
Clover: Whoa! Good call!
<Diana smirks>
>"Tell you the truth, Choi, I really want someone to e-mail me, telling me about
anything. I don't care."
Alex:<Chang> I really want e-mail I can be indifferent
about.
>"Listen, no offense, but let's face it. We're a couple of freaks.
Heck, I don't know how I got married. I'm still trying to figure out why I got
married to my wife in >the first place."
Sam: Tied her up and drugged her? How would we know?
>"Love?" Chang asked.
>
>"Possibly..." Choi said with a sigh.
Clover:<Chang> Money?
Diana:<Choi> What do you think?
Alex: Maybe she has a fetish for Freddy Krueger
impersonating midgets?
>Chang clicked on his e-mail, as it cheerfully told him "You've got
mail!"
Sam: …starring Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan!
>"Probably another person wanting to sell you some Microsoft
junk..." Choi said.
>
>"Hey, what's wrong with Microsoft?"
>
>"Nothing, except for Windows. Give me a Mac any day." Choi said.
Diana: No one will be seated during the intense OS debate
scene.
>Chang opened his account at Bigboy2015@aol.com, and found a surprise...
Alex: His account had crashed!
Diana: An AOLer… God, Chang is
such a noob.
>Kim heard Choi calling out "MASTER
KIM!"
Sam:<Kim> Damn it, Ron, what is it now? <normal
voice> Wait… Wrong Kim.
>Kim came into the room to see Choi and Chang
staring at the screen.
>
>TIRED OF HAVING A LONELY LIFE? WANT SOMEONE TO HELP YOU GET A GIRL
WHO COULD LOVE YOU FOR WHO YOU ARE?
Clover:<message> A TOTAL CAPS-LOCK MORON.
>THEN SIGN UP FOR ZINGI'S ONLINE DATING SERVICE.
Diana: Oh, please…
Alex: Ah, yes. Part of the S.T.S.E.N
Company.
Clover: Igniz must be studying
the Stephen Ratliff guide to villainy.
>GIVE US YOUR BIO AND WE'LL FIND THE PERFECT MATE FOR YOU!
IT'S FREE! SING UP TODAY!
Sam: He’s going to sing?
Diana: Thank God this is just text.
>"This could be the answer for all your problems, Chang." Choi said.
Alex: Yeah. If you’re a total idiot.
>"I don't know. I mean, how do you know the person you would date would
not be a good choice for you?" Kim said.
Clover: I’m thinking Chang’s idea of a good choice is
someone who’s breathing.
>"But don't you see, Master Kim." Chang started. "Every time
I go somewhere, I hear 'Hey, fat guy!', or 'You're a sucky
fighter', or worse.
Sam: Of course, Chris only ever heard the second one, so
Chang still isn’t the biggest loser in KOF.
Diana:<Chris, whiny> I’m evvvvilll!
Stop picking on meeee!
>This is my chance to find someone who will love me as I
am. As me, Chang. Please?" Now Chang was on his
knees, begging.
Alex:<Chang> Pretty please with sugar on top?
>Kim sighed "All right. I'll let you give it a go."
>
>"Thank's Master Kim!" Chang said, as he
clicked on the link.
Sam: And then their computer crashed.
Clover:<Kim> Damn e-mail viruses… Third
time this week.
>Over at NESTS...
>
>"Ha, first one has already signed up." Igniz
said, reading the profile.
Diana:<Igniz> Me speak English
very goodly, yes?
>"'Hmm, big guy tired of insults and looking for someone who could love
him for who I am. I'm Korean, have a black beard, and while not the best
looking person >on the block, I do pride myself in being strong. My favorite
things are going to Demolition Derbies, and enjoy meat. I look forward to
seeing you.' Ha, this is >Chang. He's looking for love? HAAAAA HAAA HAAA HAAA. I will give him the
worse time of his life....." Igniz said.
Alex: They’re going to make him watch “Freddy Got
Fingered”?
Sam: Either that or their putting him on a team with Brian
Battler.
>"I assume that's your rant for the day?" K9999 said, still bored.
Diana: Well, he’s no Rick Mercer.
Others: Who?
Diana: …Never mind.
>"No, I'm just getting warmed up." Igniz said. "Now, who should
I pair him with..."
Clover: Roseanne Arnold?
>Blind Date
>
>Chapter 3
>
>Little Miss Riot
Alex: BB Hood?
>"Aw, come on. It's not so bad." Ralf said.
>
>"NO!" Leona screamed, nearly making Ralf deaf
Diana:<anxious> Really?! <pause>
Oh. I thought that said “dead”.
>"Just for a little bit? Maybe
only an hour?"
>
>"You will not make me wear THAT!" Leona said, pointing to a blue
dress that was on her bed.
Clover: Okay, we’ve stumbled into the middle of a very
weird scene here.
>Just then Heidern, the commander of the Ikaris, walked in, saying "Attention!"
>
>Everyone stood up, at attention. Doing otherwise would
have gotten him or herself an hour of peeling potatos.
Alex: There’s only four of them.
How many potatoes to they need?
>"What is going on? I can here you from all
the way across the hall."
Sam:<Heidern> So I came *hear* to see what
was happening.
Diana: I see the old SNK English is still in effect.
>"Commander Heidern, please convince Leona
that wearing a dress is not a bad thing." Ralf said, hoping that as Heidern was Leona's adoptive father, that he could
>reason with her.
Clover: I’m finding out stuff about Ralf that I really
didn’t want to know.
Alex:<Leona> Look, Ralf, just because *you* enjoy wearing
them doesn’t mean I have to.
>"Jones, if she wants to wear her combat outfit, it's her choice. I'll
admit, that she does need to wear something besides what she almost always
wears, but that's >HER choice, not yours. Understood?"
Diana:<Heidern> And possibly my decision.
Clover:<Ralf> Brilliantly incoherent as usual, sir!
>"Yes sir." Ralf said, dejected.
>
>Meanwhile, Leona was looking at her e-mail account, just to get away from
having to listen to the conversation, when she stumbled upon the online dating
e-mail. >
Sam:<
Alex: Wrong
>"Yo, Ralf, Commander, look at this."
Diana: What? It’s spam mail for
crying out loud.
>"This had better be good, Steel." Hiedern said, as he read the e-mail
Clover:<
Sam: Wasn’t it “Heidern” before?
>"Hey, Leona, this is your chance to get out of this place!" Ralf
said.
Alex: Hey! I’ll take it!
>"No, I am not responding to this." Leona said.
>
>"Aw, come on. What could possibly happen?"
>
>"I'm still not answering this. There is nothing you can do to make me
answer this."
Diana:<Leona> You will be assimilated. Resistance is
futile.
>"Leona, I really think you should do this." Heidern
said.
Clover: There are so many bad connotations to go with that
line.
Sam: Clearly somewhere between ’98 and ’01, Heidern suffered some serious brain damage.
>Leona's jaw nearly dropped. "But, I really don't want to do this. I am
NOT going on a date, with anybody."
Alex:<Leona> At least, anybody in *this* series.
>"Listen, except for KOF Tournaments, you haven't left the base in
three years. I will not have you just sit around here and not have a
life."
Clover:<Heidern> That’s what Ralf
and Clark are for.
>"I'm still not going." Leona said.
Diana:<Leona> You can’t make me! You can’t make me!
>Hiedern sighed. "Fine.
As your commanding officer, I order you to answer that e-mail, and go on that
date. This will be your mission."
Alex: Yup. He’s lost it.
>Everyone's jaw dropped to the floor.
Sam: I guess the Ikari Warriors
don’t have a decent dental plan.
>"Oh, and I am ordering you to have fun. You are allowed to have fun
once in a while.
Diana:<computer voice> Happiness is mandatory! Are YOU
happy, citizen?
>Oh, and you can NOT go Blood Riot on the person you are
dating. I am NOT paying for funeral costs for whoever you kill."
Clover:<Leona> What if I just toss the corpse in a ditch?
>Leona couldn't do anything, as this was now an order. She started typing.
Alex: …her letter of resignation.
>In a few minutes, she was done, and left the room, and went to the training
area.
Sam: …carrying
>"Smooth move, commander. Ordering
her to go on a date."
>
>"That's why I'm the commander." Hiedern
said, smugly
Diana:<heavy sarcasm> Oh, what brilliant strategy, oh
glorious leader.
>"She won't do anything. I beat she won't even kiss the guy." Ralf
said.
Alex: That’s one weird accent Ralf has.
>"Is that so?" Hiedern said, raising the
eyebrow of his good eye.
>
>"Yeah."
>
>"Ok, then. If she doesn't, I will let you be the commander of the Ikaris for one month, and I will be under your command for
that time."
Clover: Oh God… We’re one degree away from “How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days”.
>Ralf and Clark's eyes bulged at this.
>
>"But if she does kiss the guy, you must wear that dress for one month
while your on this base." Hiedern said, pointing to the dress Ralf had wanted Leona to wear.
Diana: Ack! Mental image… Brain
bleeding…
>"YOU'RE ON!" Ralf said, shaking Hiedern's
hand.
>
>Just then, some random soldier came in, asking "Hey, where's Little
Miss Riot?"
>
>Hiedern frowned, the took
the guy by the back of his neck. "How many times have I told you not to
call her that? I believe there are some potatos with
your name >on them to peel."
>
>"Aw crud......"
Clover: I guess this fanfic is
going for the PG rating.
>Over at NESTS...
Alex:<dramatic> Stately Igniz
Manor…
>"Hmm... Leona wants to go on a date?" Igniz
said.
Sam: “Wants” is a strong word.
>"Why don't you hook her up with Krizalid?"
K9999 asked
Diana: That’ll be tricky seeing as he’s DEAD!
>"Nah... I've got a better idea....." Igniz
laughed.
>
>"Put her with Kyo, then
watch as she and Yuki fight?"
Clover: Please… If you want a catfight, pair her with Andy.
>"Even better....."
>
>"Are you going to tell us?"
Alex:<Igniz> No.
>"Hmm.... Let me think..... Not yet..... But you'll find out soon
enough...." Igniz smirked.
>
>"Please, dear?" Misty asked "For me?"
Sam:<Misty> Play Misty for me!
>"Aw, alright. Anything for
you dear. I plan to have Leona go out on a date with...."
Clover: She’s going on a date with an ellipse?
>Outside, we see two guards standing. We hear two screams. The guards immediatly bust into the
room, to see Misty and K9999, passed out.
>
>"What happened, sir?"
>
>"Nothing. They just couldn't comprehend the evilness of my
plan. This is just the first step towards world domination..." Then Igniz laughed a meglomaniacal
laugh.
Diana: More like the stupidity of the plan.
Sam: Who did he set Leona up with? Do you viewers at home
know?
>Sorry for it's shortness, but I needed to post it to
set up the next part.
Alex: I’d say something, but I have no clue what he just
said.
>Blind Date
>
>Chapter 04
>
>Locations
All: Location! Location! Location!
>Igniz waited for Misty and K9999 to get up off
the ground. K9999 was the first to speak.
>
>"That... is just evil...." K9999 said, turning a shade of green.
Clover: No. Evil is giving someone a stupid name like
“K9999”.
>"That's why I'm going to do it!" Igniz
exclaimed
>
>"This sounds like a very bad fanfic idea you
have." Misty said. "I mean, Leona and Chang? They'll kill each other
in two minutes. They have nothing in common."
Alex:<Alf> Ha! I kill me!
Diana: And the fourth wall takes another kick to the head.
>"Which is why I'm pairing them together. If they kill each other, then
that's two less fighters who will stop me from taking over the world!!!!!"
Igniz now was >shouting in excitement.
Clover: Well, I can see how getting rid of Leona would
help, but how is killing Chang going to affect anything?
>"Now, where shall we send
them?"
>
>"How about
Sam: How about you stop talking now?
>"What about
>
>"
Alex: Well, you could say the same thing about
>"
>
>"Hmm... All those are good. I know! I'll send them on a trip that will
last a full week. Then they will have to suffer! And when they are finally
tired of each other, >that's when we strike....."
>
>"AND KILL THEM BOTH!" K9999 yelled.
Sam: Someone here needs help.
>"Nope. We capture them, and clone them, and
control the world."
>
>Both K9999 and Misty rolled their eyes at this.
Diana: Damn… Beat me to it.
>"Brilliant plan." K9999's voice dripped
with sarcasm. "Why don't we do what we tried the last time, and hope it
works, unlike the last 3-4 years?"
Clover: Yeah. That Kyo clone plot
was pretty dumb.
Alex: That’s still
better than an army of Jango Fett
clones.
>"Cause I'm brilliant, that's why" Igniz
said, missing the sarcasm. "Now, I've got to plan their date, so I'll need
to be alone."
>
>K9999 and Misty left, leaving Igniz with the
computer. "Hmm, but first, let's go to Fanfiction.net for more evil ideas.
I just knew looking at that site would gather >more ideas for me......"
Diana:<Igniz> I know! I’ll trap a
bunch of fighters on a satellite…
Sam:<Kula> It’s been done.
>Blind Date
>
>Chapter 05
>
>Leaving for the Date: Korean Version
Alex: Great. We haven’t been able to follow this story in
English.
>2 weeks after Chang had sent his bio in to the dating service, he was at
the airport, packed and ready to take off to
Diana:<Starfire> I believe it is
customary on such occasions to wear a dead plant, yes?
Sam: Bonus points to whoever gets that joke.
>"Now Chang..." Kim started. "What are you going to do while your on the date?"
Clover: Work on improving his grammar like *you* should?
>"Be a good person, don't commit any crimes, don't destroy anything
unless it's for a good reason, and uphold justice." Chang said, as he
smiled. A *
Alex: Chang is a Crest kid!
>"Great. Now he's doing it as well." Choi said.
Sam: Wow… Even the other characters are making sarcastic
quips now.
>"And what did I tell you to do?" Jhun
asked
>
>"Grab as much Athena stuff as possible, including Cds,
Comics, including the fan-made ones, and plushies,
and posters, and anything Athena. Oh, and grab an >Athena outfit. All of
them."
Clover: We’ve secretly replaced Jhun
with CardCaptor Schlueter…
>"Good Chang." Jhun said. Kim, Choi, and May Lee started to back away from Jhun
>
>"Uh, Chang. What did I teach you?" May Lee said.
>
>At this, Chang stuck a silly heroic pose, saying "To destroy all evil,
and help the innocent. And be the best Chang I could be!"
Alex:<Chang> In the name of the moon, I will punish you!
>"Good, but work on the pose more..." May Lee said, smiling...
>
>(And get that one guy who's working on that fanfic
she likes so much to keep on working on it) Chang thought to himself. May Lee
had told him not to tell anyone >else about it.
Sam: And now for another brief ego trip for the author…
>"Great. See you later!" Kim said, as Chang
boarded the plane.
>
>"Hope to come back with great news!" Chang said, then he was in the plane.
Clover:<singing> I’m leaving on a jet plane… Don’t know when
I’ll be back again…
>"I'm going to miss him..." Choi said.
>
>"No, your not..." Kim said. This surprised Choi.
Diana:<Choi> How did you know
what I was thinking?!
>"What do you mean?"
>
>"I need someone to make sure Chang is good while on his date. You're
going to make sure he stays good. And you can't be seen by him or his
date..."
Sam: And the point of this is…
Alex: To get rid of Chang and Choi?
Sam: Oh, right!
>"Oh..." Choi said. "So how do I
get aboard?"
>
>A few minutes later...
Clover:<Gary Shandling> Okay. A
few minutes just passed.
>"Great plan, Kim." Choi
said sarcastically as he was siting inside a piece of
luggage, in the storage compartment at the back of the plane.
Diana: …where he asphyxiated minutes later.
>Blind Date
>
>Chapter 06
Sam: Pick up sticks.
>Leaving for the Date: Ikari Version
Alex: Collect them all!
>"Now Leona..." Heidern started
"You have everything packed, right?"
>
>"Yes, sir." Leona said, still annoyed that she was going
on this date at all.
Clover: Something tells me that the Ikari
Warriors are starting to fall apart.
>"Great. Now, I want you to be on your best
behavior. What did I tell you?
>
>Leona sighed. "No killing, no dismembering, no going into a Blood
Riot, no firing my sidearm without proper reason, and be an all around nice
person for the >duration of my date."
Diana:<childish> Dad never lets me have any fun!
>"Good. I must be going. The helecopter will take you to where you are to go first. Good
luck. Oh, and have fun."
>
>"Fun?" Leona said, raising an eyebrow. "Shooting
something is fun. Trying to beat my own record on the obstical
course is fun. This is not fun."
Alex: What is she talking about? The fanfic?
Clover: If she is, then I agree with her.
>"Then learn to have other types of fun." Heidern
said. "See you later."
Alex: …no comment.
>After Heidern left, Ralf and Clark came up to
Leona. Ralf spoke up. "Here's your stuff. Your clothes,
your hygiene stuff, some magazines and books, and a few >other items that
me,
Sam: Hygiene stuff? I hope they’re not talking about what I
think they’re talking about.
Diana:<
>Then Ralf saluted Leona, while
>
>Heidern was watching behind a glass mirror, with
Whip standing right next to him.
Clover:<Whip> Damn… I thought I’d managed to avoid appearing
in another crap fanfic.
>"Whip. I have a special mission for you."
Alex:<Heidern> Verrry special.
Diana:<Whip> I’m not going to spank you, sir, so stop
asking.
>"Yes sir?"
>
>"Can you watch Leona and make sure no one harm's her while she is on
her date?"
Sam: Shouldn’t that be the other way around?
>"Yes sir." Whip said.
Alex:<Whip> And that’s my only line.
>"Oh, and don't be seen. Last thing I need is for her to think I'm
spying on her.
Clover:<Heidern> Even though I am.
>It's not that I don't trust her, but I want to make
sure she has some fun."
>
>"Understood, sir." Whip saluted Heidern,
then walked off. Then Ralf stood besides Heidern.
Diana: But that’s “besides” the
point. Thank you!
>"Remember our bet, sir." Ralf said.
>
>"Of course. I believe that the men will have fun watching you
go through the obstacle course in a dress." Heidern
said.
Alex:<Heidern> That or turned
on.
Clover: Eeeewwww…
>"Don't worry. I'll make sure there are plenty of potatos
for you to peel while I'm in command." Ralf said, sure of himself.
>
>Over at NESTS...
Alex:<dramatic> Stately Igniz
Manor…
>"They should be on their way to
>
>"Whoop-de-doo." K9999 said, not
really caring. "So, you do have a person ready to welcome them to the
starting point of their trip, right?"
Sam: Trip? Is he running a dating agency or a travel
service?
>"Of course. Someone has to be their to give them the money, plane tickets, and the
like."
>
>"And who would that be?"
>
>"You're doing it, of course." Igniz
said, as he left the room.
Diana: Yeah. No one will recognize him EVEN THOUGH HE’S A
MEMBER OF THE FRIGGIN’ N.E.S.T.S KOF
TEAM!
>K9999 sat down for a chair, when the realization hit him...
>
>"I'M DOING IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?"
Clover: I guess Igniz isn’t the
only slow one around here.
>Blind Date
>
>Chapter 07
Alex: Go to heaven.
>Why Me?
Diana: Why not?
Sam: Why us?
Clover: Good question.
>K9999 was on a plane headed to
Alex: He doesn’t like that Kula and Angel have more fans
than him.
>"Sir, would you like anything to drink?" a stewerdess
asked.
>
>"Peanuts." K9999 said, wishing the stewerdess
would go away.
Diana: He drinks peanuts?
>After the stewerdess left, he noticed a teenager
was watching him. The strange thing was the kid was dressed like Vegeta, from Dragon Ball Z.
Clover: Oh God… Please! No Dragonball!
>"What?" K9999 asked, a little angry.
>
>"Your headed to the anime convention too,
right?" The kid asked.
Diana:<K9999> No. That’s not mine.
Sam: This fanfic sponsored by OtakCon ‘04
>"No. I hate anime. Well, most of it. I do
like Sailor Moon. Why?"
Alex:<CardCaptor Schlueter> He hates anime?! KILL HIM!!
>"You look like your cosplaying that guy from
Akira..."
>
>*Not again* K9999 started thinking. *How many people think I'm Tetsuo from
Akira? I hate that anime!!!!!!*
Sam: Well, there’s another KOF cliché covered.
>"No. I'm not. I'm going to do something
else."
>
>"Like what? Go to that Yagami concert?"
Diana: Did you know that Yagami
spelled backward is Imagay?
Clover: That certainly explains his stint as Miss X.
>"No. I hate Yagami.
He singing stinks, as does his clothes. And I could easily beat him in a
fight."
Sam: I’ve always wondered, why
does Yagami have that rope this tied to his knees?
>"WHAT WAS THAT?" asked a chours of
females. K9999 turned and saw a bunch of fangirls,
all out of their seats. K9999 could tell that they worshipped Iori. >A lot.
All:<fangirls> HEATHEN! REPENT, FOR THE END
IS NIGH!
>"I said..."
>
>"We heard. No one talks about Iori-sama that
way!" Then all the fangirls rushed K9999, who
had no time to prepare himself, as the fangirls beat
him down.
Clover: Think if I told them that Billy Kane insulted Iori they’d kill him too?
Diana: Iori has fangirls?
Sam: Why not? Kyo does.
>20 minutes later...
>
>"Pain..." K9999 uttered as he got back to his seat. It took most
of the people there to pry the girls off of him.
Alex: Man… This airline needs better security.
>"You okay?" The guy asked. All he got was a grunt in reply.
Sam:<K9999> Take my marine! Please!
Clover: Cute, Sam…
>"It's okay. You going
to the Athena concert then?"
Diana:<guy> Apparently she’s using Kensou
as a stage.
Alex: Why not? She walks all over him anyway.
>"You mean the girl whose voice is more annoying then Iori's. Pass."
>
>"WHAT WAS THAT?" yelled a bunch of male voices.
>
>"Not again..." K9999 moaned as he looked at a bunch of males.
>
>"You dare insult our Athena-sama? DIE!"
Diana: Hey! I think I see CardCaptor
Schlueter in that band of fanboys!
Sam: What else is new?
>"Why me..." was the last thing K9999 said before the males
pounced on him...
Clover: Ewww… Shades of yaoi…
<They stand up>
Alex: Come on, girls! Break time.
<They exit the theater>
**
[SATELLITE OF SPIES]
<Sam, Alex and Clover have set up a pair of small hand
cranked rotating drums like the ones used for raffle drawings.
They’re busy stuffing the drums with small slips of paper as Diana comes in
dress in a bathrobe.>
Sam: Hey, Diana. What’s with the robe?
Diana: I had to put my clothes in the wash and since I only
have one set up here, I didn’t have anything else to wear.
Alex: Just watch out for the trap doors. Falling down one
of those when you’re wearing only a robe can be sooooo
embarrassing.
<Sam, Clover and Diana stare at her and sweatdrop>
Diana: Uh… So, what’s with the raffle set-up?
Clover: Well, since the fanfic is
all about random KOF pairings, we figured we’d throw together a few of our own.
Sam: Girls in one, boys in the other.
Alex: We decided to do that when our first drawing came up
with Chin and Choi.
<The four girls shudder involuntarily>
Sam: Well, let’s give it a spin. <spins
the drums briefly, reaches inside each and pulls out a slip of paper>
Clover:<looking at the results> Okay… Our first match is…<reads
the first paper> Yuri Sakazaki and… <reads the
second> Ryo Sakazaki.
Diana: Great. First time out and I’m already more nauseated
than I was during the fanfic.
Sam: Uh… yeah, let’s try that again.
<Alex draws two more names>
Alex: Let’s see…. King… and Iori Yagami.
Clover: Great… Two crossdressers….
So far Chang and Leona is looking pretty good.
Diana: Let me try. <Diana draws a couple of names>
Andy Bogard and… Terry Bogard?!
Sam: Oh, that is soooo wrong on
so many levels.
Clover: Who put Terry’s name in the girls’ bin anyway?
<They all stare at Alex>
Alex: What? I thought it *was* a girl’s name!
<Alarms and sirens go off.>
Sam: WE’VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!
Clover and Diana: Thank God!
<The girls rush to the theater>
**
[TO BE CONTINUED]