*LIKE, TURN DOWN YOUR LIGHTS, KAY?*
(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)
(The spy world isn't what it used to be....)
CCST3K Productions Presents…
"TOTALLY SPIES THEATER 3000" (SEASON ONE)
EPISODE 2: SAILOR TRIGGER (w/ short “B.B Hood’s Rampage”)
(A Sailor Moon/Chrono Trigger MSTing and a DarkStalkers MSTing)
MSTed From the Desk of CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)
This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.
Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment
purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or
trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.
“Totally Spies” is the property of Marathon Animation
“Sailor Moon” is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and the distributors of her work.
“Chrono Trigger” is the property of SquareSoft Co.
“DarkStalkers” is the property of Capcom Co.
“Sailor Trigger” is the property of Sailor Koban, The Ninja Kat and “BB Hood’s Rampage” is the property of FlamingSmileyFace and they’re welcome to them. I do not intend to offend them by making fun of his work
like this but I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)
**
[PART TWO]
**
THE SATELLITE OF SPIES
Sam, Alex and Clover walked out dressed in their black high-tech feline cat-suits and faux cat’s ears. These seemed similar to their usual color-coded body-suits in a lot of ways, but were in fact something different.
No one knows how.
“Good evening and welcome to A&E’s Biography and our special feature this week, famous ninja cats,” said Sam. “We’re your hosts. I’m Sam.”
“I’m Alex!” Alex chimed in.
“And I’m Clover.” Clover finished.
“Our feature tonight is the famous Koban the ninja cat!” Sam continued.
“Uh… Sammy…” said Alex.
“Yeah?”
“Can you think of anyone who’s heard of this guy besides us?”
Sam sweatdropped. “Well… He’s a famous hero, right? He’s done lots of heroic stuff!”
“Like what?” asked Clover. “So far all he’s done is surf the net and bore us with his endless introductions.”
“Yeah,” said Alex. “It’s like a Ratliff fic.”
“Who?” asked Clover.
“Never mind…” Alex replied.
“Well, we need to come up with something!” said Sam.
Suddenly alarms and sirens rang out.
“OHHHH, WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!” Sam cried out.
“I guess we *don’t have to come up with something,” said Alex.
(Door 6: It’s Clover’s walk-in closet. The doors slide open and you walk through.)
(Door 5: It’s Sam’s front door. She forgot her key so Alex needs to use a hairpin to pick the lock.)
(Door 4: It’s the spies’ wardrobe. You spend twenty minutes trying to find your way to the other side.)
(Door 3: It’s a waterfall. The girls freeze it and smash through.)
(Door 2: It’s a mirror. Once you pry the girls away from checking their makeup, you move on.)
(Door 1: It’s a trap door. You fall through it.)
(Door .7: The camera pans downward to a giant ‘WHOOP’ logo. The second ‘O’ opens up and you walk through..)
Sam,
Alex and Clover take their seats in the front row.
>Sailor Trigger
>Part 2 - the Time of Dread
Alex: Couldn’t have said it better than that.
>A Sailor Moon/Chrono Trigger crossover fanfic by Sailor Koban
>TNK(Koban.tnk@prostar.com)
>With help from KnightShade(debracras@tislink.net) and
>Suky(odonnell@wvi.com).
Sam:<singing> Three little twits on the net are we.
>Legal notes:
>Chrono Trigger, and all characters derived from it are the property of
>Square co., and are used without permission.
>Sailor moon, and all characters derived from it are the property of
>Naoko Takeuchi, and are also used without permission.
>Red Dragons, and all characters derived from it are the property of
>the author, and are used with permission.
Clover: I’m getting a certain sense of déjà vu here, guys.
>Story notes:
>This story takes place on the world described in Chrono Trigger. For
>those familiar with the game, the land is similar to that shown in
>1999 AD.
Alex: There’s a story?
Sam: Could’ve fooled me.
>For the senshi, this story takes place sometime between "Treed" and
>"Serena times two" in the Sailor Moon R series.
>If any characters seem to be out of character, it is entirely my fault
>for not knowing quite enough about them.
Clover:<Koban> Feel free to bitch to the hand, you loads.
>----
>The next morning, the Senshi, the time travelers, and the Red Dragons
>decided to go to
Clover: They’re in
Sam: Cool! Maybe we’ll meet Stephen King.
Alex: Maybe he can give them writing lessons.
>They passed an ice cream store, and...
Sam: And what?
Alex: The author suddenly got a craving for a
>"Rei can I borrow some GP to get some ice cream?" Serena asked.
Clover:<Serena> Seeing as some of it was my money to begin with.
>"No," replied Rei, "We should save our GP."
>"Come on, Rei!"
>"I said 'no!'"
Sam: Someone thinks a lot of herself.
Alex:<Serena> Yo! Let’s not forget who’s in charge of this group!
Clover:<Rei>
>"But-" THWACK! Rei slaped her upside the head. Serena fell backwards
>and started bawling.
Alex: You know, I normally like Rei, but she’s asking for it in this fic.
>"Crying like a child," Magus said partly to himself.
Sam: “Acting like a bastard,” Sam said bluntly to Magus.
>"Why does everybody hate meee?" Serena whined.
Clover:<Rei> Because the author told us to, so shut up.
>"Because you're weak!" Magus shouted. "And Lavos eats the weak! Shape
>up while you can!"
Alex:<Magus> He eats the weak with fava beans and a nice Chianti.
Clover:<Lavos> EAT THE WEAK!!
>"I just wanted some GP for ice cream!"
>"Then fight a monster!"
Alex: Oh, of course. That makes perfect… huh?!
>Serena got up and walked away from the town, grumbling.
Sam:<Serena> Tonight, they DIE!
>----
Alex: Oh. Someone drew a line in the sand.
>Serena went into the forest just west of
>herself. She walked along thinking until something hit her leg. She
>looked down and saw a basketball-sized green creature with a large,
>toothy mouth.
Clover: Pac Man got rabies!
Alex: Happy Fun Ball! No!
>The RolyPoly growled.
Sam:<RolyPoly> Grrr… and stuff.
>"Moon...
>abbreviated sailor Fuku.
Sam: Abbreviated?!
Clover: Wow! I didn’t think that skirt could *get* any shorter.
>Serena pulled out her Moon Scepter. Swinging
>it, she said, "Moon.. Scepter... Elimination!" The scepter shot out
>thousands of tiny sparkles at the RolyPoly.
Alex: …setting his fur on fire and incinerating him to ashes.
>The sparkles passed harmlessly through the RolyPoly. It bit Serena's
>leg, and she screamed in pain.
Clover: Well, I kind of figured it wasn’t screaming with joy.
Sam:<Serena a la Dr. Smith> Oh, the PAIN!
>"Get off my leg, you weird little ball-thingy!"
Alex: Ooh… Good comeback.
Clover:<Serena> DIE, HAPPY FUN BALL!
>----
Alex: Meanwhile, somewhere else…
>Koban, who happened to be in the woods meditating at the time, heard
>Serena screaming and ran towards her.
Sam:<Church Lady> How conveeeeeeeenient.
>He grabbed the RolyPoly and killed it with his bare hands.
Clover: Okay, eeewww…
Alex: Bones snapping, blood gushing everywhere, entrails hanging out…
Sam:<turning green> Urk… Alex!
>He then bandaged Serena's leg. A sweat
>drop rolled down the back of Serena's head as she said, "I'd better
>learn to fight, this is pathetic!"
Clover: In more ways than one.
Alex:<Serena> I *hate* it when authors turn on me
>Koban was about to reply, "You're right, you can't even handle a
>RolyPoly," but he decided not to.
Sam: After all, he was an even *bigger* loser.
>He was not terribly compassionate
>towards most people, but he was not a cruel man.
Alex: His victims, however, felt compelled to argue that point.
Sam:<Koban> Let’s see… Amazing ninja, cold but deep down a nice guy… Have I missed any clichés so far?
>----
Alex:<singing> Just another dash in the fic.
>Meanwhile, back at the tour of
Clover:<tour guide> For the last time, NO! We can’t take you to Stephen King’s house!
>"And this is the main control panel for the dome shield." The tour
>guide droned.
Sam: Ben Stein in a special cameo.
>"So... Boring... ZzzzZz... Huh? Wha?" Mina drowsed.
Alex: They snore, they talk in their sleep and now they sleepwalk too.
Clover: They should take some sleeping pills for that.
>"Who's idea was it to tour the city's security system, anyway?" Lita
>grumbled.
Sam: Three guesses and the first two don’t count.
>
>happen to enjoy learning about complex technological systems."
Sam:<
Alex: That’s no reason to drag everyone else along,
>"So do I," Ami said, "But I don't interrupt everyone's schedule with
>it."
Sam: Am I sensing a little animosity here?
Alex:<Ami>Rowr!
Clover:<
>Everything was good and boring until Serena stumbled in, tripped over
>a loose floor panel and hit the guard robot's control panel.
Sam:<rolling her eyes> Because we KNOW Serena can’t appear competent at any point in the story.
>The 12-foot tall robot made some strange scrambled noises, then scooped up
>a couple of people and started juggling while singing a part from
>Wagner's "*the Ring Cycle,*" which would have created a very funny
>picture for an independent observer.
Sam: But everyone else knew that this was just a warm up before the giant boomer started blowing stuff up.
Alex: Uh-oh! It’s Clown Man’s older brother and, boy, is he cheesed!
>Koban entered the room and,
>seeing the robot singing and juggling, managed to stop himself from
>laughing long enough to say, "Looks like we'd better take this thing
>off-line."
Clover: Yeah. He might sing off-key or something.
>Five transformations and 12 weapon draws later...
Sam: The robot had already crushed the humans it was juggling and slaughtered everyone in sight.
>Crono and frog ran toward the robot and simultaneously slashed their
>swords at the robot when their paths crossed.
Alex: Missing and accidentally chopping each other in half.
Sam: Ouch!
>Immediately afterward, Ayla jumped and landed on the robot's head, spinning like a drill. All
>three of them were surprised that the robot had apparently not taken
>any damage.
Clover: Uh-huh. What was that about Serena being pathetic?
>"Mars... Fire... Ignite!" Rei shouted, firing a fireball at the robot.
>The fireball richocheted off of the robot's skin and headed right back
>at her.
All:<imitate laugh track>
Alex:<Rei> Get me! I’m a victim of coicumstance!
Sam: Robot must have a reflect spell on it.
>Robo quickly removed her from the fireball's path. The 17
>fighters threw everything they had at the robot, but to no avail.
Clover: The saviors of the world, ladies and gentlemen.
Sam: They are SO doomed.
Alex: Someone call the Knight Sabers already.
Clover: Meanwhile on the sidelines, Nene, Priss and Linna were laughing their brains out.
>"We've thrown everything at it but the kitchen sink!" Koban shouted.
Sam:<John Cleese> And now the punchline…
>Magus hurled a kitchen sink at the robot.
All: TA-DA!
>"I had to say it..."
>"I had to do it," Magus responded.
Alex: We had to read it.
Clover: We had to riff it.
>The sink hit the robot and knocked open its head, thus exposing the
>wiring inside. Akira telekinetically lifted Koban onto the robot's
>head. Koban cut the wires with his katana.
Sam: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTT!
Alex: Shouldn’t mess with live wires like that.
>"Whoops! Cut the blue wire!"
Clover: No! The green wire!
Sam: No! It’s the red wire!
>The robot's eyes went dark, it made a coughing/hiccuping/wheezing
>sound and it fell forward at the hips, until its body almost touched
>the ground.
Sam:<Robot> Fatal Error: [A]bort, [R]etry, [F]ail?
>Erick looked at the robot and said to the tour guide, "You'd better
>fix that. Someone could get hurt."
Clover:<Tour Guide> Thank you for your condescension. May I have another?
>After what was referred to as "the RolyPoly-Robot incident," Serena
>decided to learn to use the boomerang.
Sam: Serena will now be played by Cham-Cham from Samurai Shodown 2.
Alex:<Serena> Ooh… That was *scarry*.
>Her first few attempts were less than successful, resulting in quite a few scratches and bruises.
>When she entered the house, Koban took one look at her and said, "It's
>a good thing you haven't tried learning with one of those edged
>boomerangs. You probably would end up cutting off your hand. Or your
>head."
Clover: Oh yeah. Thank you so much, Mr. Godlike SI Ninja.
>"Thanks for the support," Serena grumbled, and walked into her room.
Sam:<Serena> Tonight he DIES!
>"Baka," Koban said, then continued practicing his flute playing.
Alex: So… He’s a musician too, huh?
Sam: I’m all for colorful characters, but do they need to use every crayon in the box for one weenie SI?
>After about a week, Serena decided to find someone to teach her to
>throw and catch correctly. She hired a combat trainer, Alex from Arris
>for 75 GP a lesson.
Sam: Alex! You never told me you were giving boomerang lessons?
Alex: Have to get my shopping money somewhere.
>"The problem with what you're doing, Serena," Alex said, "is that
>you're holding the boomerang too close to the center. Hold the end of
>the boomerang in your hand like so, keep your arm straight, move the
>other arm out of the way, and swing your arm like this. Good! Now,
>faster. That's it! This time, when you reach the middle of your swing,
>let it go. Perfect! Watch for it, and grab it out of the air... Now!"
Sam: Well, this is thrilling.
Clover: I hope Alex is better with a boomerang than she is at driving.
Alex: Or you are at keeping boyfriends.
>When Serena got home, she had only been hit once, when a RolyPoly
>distracted her by trying to bite her leg. After five lessons, Serena
>had gained enough skill to be able to hunt monsters.
Sam:<Serena, singing> A hunting I will go. A hunting I will go.
Alex: Serena soon left a bloody path of monster entrails in her wake.
>After fighting some RolyPolys, she learned how to throw her boomerang so it would
>circle around her twice then return.
Clover: It slices! It dices! It makes monsters into French fries!
>----
>When Serena returned to the house, she was absolutely ecstatic.
Sam: She should use some dryer sheets to deal with that.
>"I think I've learned a tech!"
>"Really?" asked Marle. "What do you call it?"
>"Round Return."
Alex: Uh…. Clever.
>Serena went to the training room and demonstrated her new tech to
>everyone.
>"Big deal," Magus interjected, "you're still weak!"
Sam:<heavy sarcasm> Gee… Thanks, Mr. Daisies and Sunshine.
Clover: Someone *please* hit him!
>The others made comments, but their words were lost on her.
Alex: They were too big for her to understand
>----
>The next day Serena went back into the woods.
Clover:<singing> To grandmother’s house we go!
>"I'll show that dirty Magus!" Serena grumbled to herself. "I'll kill
>more monsters!"
Sam: Gotta kill ‘em all!
>She came upon a small bush, and heard movement within it.
>"Here we go," Serena said, pulling out her boomerang.
Alex:<announcer> Round One…. Fight!
>The bush roared menacingly.
Sam:<bush> We *will* find Osama bin Laden!
Clover: Very cute, Sam.
>Serena turned pale. "Eep!"
>Suddenly, a huge snake slid out of the bush.
Alex:<Serena> A basilisk?! Damn you, Tom Riddle!!
>The huge mouth and
>gnashing teeth were the obvious reason why experienced monster hunters
>called these creatures "Gnashers." Serena didn't know this of course,
>so she freaked out as only she could.
Clover: Monster ranchers on the other hand…
Alex: Serena’s got to stop dropping acid before going hunting.
>"EEEEEEEK! Giant Snake!"
Sam: Watch out for snakes!
> Remembering herself, she pulled her Moon Scepter out to see if
>it would work on this creature. "Moon...
>Scepter... Elimination!"
Clover: Annnnnnnd strike a pose!
>The Scepter shot out a cloud of pretty gold dust. The dust quickly
>proved itself useless.
Sam:<Gnasher> Ah-CHOO!! Lousy allergies.
Alex:<Gnasher> Tinkerbell? That you?
>The Gnasher bit Serena on the leg.
>"Leggo my leg!" Serena shouted.
Clover:<Serena> And my Eggo too!
>"It too yummy!" the Gnasher growled.
Alex:<Gnasher> With fava beans and a nice chianti.
Clover:<Gnasher> Talk like Ayla.
Sam: I’m amazed that it can talk at all, especially when eating.
>Serena's leg started gushing blood out of the large bite wound.
Alex:<Lucia from “Lunar 2: Eternal Blue”> Pain…
Clover:<Serena> Hey! When I said “bite me”, I didn’t mean it that way!
>Serena decided to try again.
>"Moon... Scepter... Elimination!"
Sam: For God’s sake! Just beat the damn snake over the head!
>The scepter flashed, and hurled out a puff of smoke. The small
>flashing lights along the side of the large red bulb at the top blew
>out.
Alex: D’oh! Warranty must’ve expired.
>Serena shook the scepter. It sounded like a burnt out light bulb.
Clover: Well… That’s an impressive trinket there.
Sam:<Serena> Hey! This is just cheap plastic merchandise! Someone pulled a switch on me!
>The Gnasher then bit Serena in the chest. Serena was losing a lot of
>blood and was stooping.
All: Eeeeewwww…
Alex: Great. First we deal with BB Hood and now *this*.
>She tried using her boomerang attack. The
>boomerang hit the snake. It slithered back a few steps. When the
>boomerang was about to hit the snake again, he ate it!
Alex:<Gnasher>*CRUNCH!* *CRUNCH!* Still tastes better than Arby’s.
>Just when Serena thought that she was going to be seriously dead, she
>felt a kiss on her forehead.
Sam:<Serena> Mom?
>Suddenly, she got up. She had regained some of her energy. Ayla appeared from out of the
>woods and looked at Serena.
>"Ayla follow. Help friend."
Clover:<Ayla, singing> Here I come to save the day.
>"It's gonna eat me!" Serena said, pointing to the Gnasher. She kicked
>it in the head. The Gnasher quickly responded by biting her in the
>butt.
Alex: I had a boyfriend like that once.
<Sam and Clover sweatdrop>
>"Perverted snake!"
All: HENTAI!!!!
>Ayla picked Serena up and threw her onto the Gnasher. Just before she
>landed, Serena pulled out a spare boomerang and hit it in the head.
Sam: When did Serena learn to access malletspace?
Clover: Where do you think she hid that scepter all this time?
>"GRAPH!" the Gnasher growled, and disappeared.
Sam: Line or pie graph?
>"Anyone got an Ace bandage?" Serena asked no one in particular.
Alex: Look, guys. Product placement.
Clover: Commercialism can be such a pain.
Sam: You’re one to talk, Miss Material Girl.
>Serena and Ayla walked home, rather slowly.
>"You almost die," Ayla reminded Serena.
Sam:<Serena> I’m not dead yet.
Alex: She’s only *mostly* dead.
Sam:<Serena> I’m getting better.
>"I had him right where I wanted him!" Serena argued. "I need some
>Neosporin."
Alex: This ad space for rent.
Sam: Who knew Koban could be such a shill?
>"Gnasher almost eat you. After eat boomerang, you next on menu."
>Serena rubbed where she had been bitten and winced. "That was one
>perverted snake!"
Alex: Thank you for *that* mental image.
>----
Sam: That’s an awfully short hangman puzzle.
>When they got home, Koban examined Serena's wounds.
<All clear their throats>
Clover: No comment…
>"One casting of Cure 2 should heal those wounds, but you'll probably
>end up with a slight scar on your butt. It's a good thing that Ayla
>was there, or you'd be dead."
Alex:<Koban> Stay off your feet and no fanservice for the next week.
>"Look, Koban," Serena said, "I don't need your criticisms."
Sam:<Serena> I get enough of that from Ebert and Roeper.
>"I'm not criticizing. I'm just saying that there's no shame in running
>if you meet a monster that's too big for you. Meanwhile, I'd invest in
>some form of armor if I were you."
Clover: She’s gotten by without it before.
Alex:<Serena> Yes, oh mighty self-insert ninja cat.
>----
Clover: The only line that’s been any good so far.
>It was now the middle of May and Koban was meditating before a fire.
>Sitting next to him was Rei who was asking the fire to tell her of the
>future. Koban looked at her, noting that she appeared to be in a
>trance, for her eyes were rolled back into her head.
Sam: Actually Rei was dead. The other senshi blamed Koban and quickly beat him senseless. The End.
>Suddenly, Koban stiffened, and his head was filled with voices. They seemed familiar,
>yet displaced, as if he was receiving a very faint signal on a radio.
Clover:<Koban> Goddamn this noise inside my head… Goddamn this noise inside my head… Goddamn this noise inside my head…
Alex: So Koban’s insane. Big surprise there.
>The first voice sounded more like a cross between a high-pitched
>whine, a gurgling noise, and a roar. Then he could make out voices.
>Human voices.
Sam: Okay. He’s definitely losin’it.
Alex: He should stay out of the catnip.
>"Serena!... Her neck's been snapped, and all of her ribs are broken...
Clover: You see what happens when you leave your junk on the stairs, Koban?
>Can't you heal her?... She's too far gone... The same thing happened
>to Schala, and Crono couldn't heal her... If you don't do something,
>I'll break her leg!...
Sam: Sure. It’ll match her neck and ribs.
Alex: Serena got involved with a loan shark?
>Put Sandra down! Breaking her leg won't bring
>Serena back, Lita... Sandra!... Get her out, Lita!... You wouldn't
>help Serena, so why should I help you?... Damn it, Lita!... No! I
>won't!..."
Clover: Geez… Was any of that supposed to make sense?
>Again he heard that strange roar/whine/gurgle. The next thing he knew
>Sandra was shaking him. He looked in her eyes and shouted, "No! You
>won't let her die! I won't let you!"
Sam:<Sandra> I’ll *kill* you first!
>"Koban!" Sandra said, waving a cup of tea under his nose. "Snap out of
>it!"
Alex: And then promptly throwing it in his face.
Clover:<Koban> ARGHHHHHHH!!! HOT!!
>"I had a... vision of the future."
Sam:<Koban a la Hitomi Kanzaki> It was a place where the Earth and the moon hang in the sky…
>At the end of time, Spekkio, the guardian of magic, scoured the
>vastness of time for disturbances in the magical web of history.
Alex:<John Cleese> And now for something completely different….
>He viewed all the time zones, pre-day of Lavos 1999 last. Suddenly he
>gasped.
All:<imitating dramatic music> Dum-Dum-DUMMMMMM!
>"Where the hell did those gals come from?"
Clover: A completely different series, where else?
>Spekkio examined each one's aura quickly.
Alex:<Rei> HEY! Who the hell is feeling up my aura?!
>"What the hell is going on! I don't remember giving any of them magic!
Sam: You’re no longer an exclusive franchise. Deal with it, furball
>That girl with the pigtails, she has the strongest will of them all,
Sam: Her lawyers must’ve worked for *months* on it.
>and yet she possesses no magic. This is too rare to pass up, I'll soon
>change that!"
Clover: I’ll turn up the heat and make it well done!
>----
>Meanwhile...
Alex: Somewhere else, something interesting was happening.
>Serena was asleep, dreaming of
Alex: And eating cream pies off of
Sam and Clover: ALEX!!
>But that soon changed.
Alex: Soon she was dreaming of…
<Sam claps her hand over Alex’s mouth.>
Sam: That’s enough, Alex.
>"Serena... Serena..."
Alex: Chief?
Sam: McCloud!
>Serena suddenly found herself in a strange, gothic-looking square. In
>the center was an 18th-century style lamppost, with an old man in a
>heavy robe leaning against it, sleeping and blowing bubbles out of his
>nose.
All: Eeeeewwwww!!!
Clover: Okay. Could someone *please* get that guy a Kleenex?
>"Eww!" Serena said. "And they say *I'm* a heavy sleeper..."
Sam:<Serena> That guy must weigh four hundred pounds! He’s a really heavy sleeper.
Clover: Very cute, Sam.
>"Come here, child..." the voice said, "Behind the door over there..."
Sam:<voice> Come into my parlor, little fly.
Alex:<voice> And you can leave your shoes and everything else at the door.
Clover: Alex!
>Serena entered the room and saw what looked like a small, white panda
>bear with a brown face standing in the middle.
Clover: Genma Saotome’s kid brother?
>"What are you staring at?" he asked Serena.
Sam: My guess would be a small, white panda with a brown face.
>"I'm not sure yet. You're cute, but, what do you want with me?"
Alex:<Spekkio> Funny you should ask…
<Sam and Clover glare at Alex. Alex quickly shuts up>
>"I am Spekkio. I brought you here to help you."
>"How is an albino panda supposed to help me?"
Sam:<Spekkio> Ummm… I’ll get back to you on that one.
>"My shape depends upon your aura."
>"My aura's a panda? I always thought it would be a rabbit."
Alex:<Elmer Fudd> Be vewy, vewy qwiet. I’m hunting auwas. Huhhuhuhuh.
>"No, your aura is weak so I look weak to you."
>"You wouldn't happen to know a guy named Magus, would ya?"
Clover: Gee… And how many times would a *strong* teen have saved the world?
>"Yes. He was a rude one. When I told him he possessed Shadow magic, he
>just gave me a look and said, 'well, duh!' Enough! Time to evaluate
>your character. Relax and close your eyes..."
Alex:<Magus> I mean, guuuuuuy! Like, get with it!
Clover: Hey! He’s ripping off our dialects!
>Serena did so. Spekkio's eyes narrowed and he stared at Serena.
>Suddenly, a crescent moon appeared on her forehead, and her eyes
>opened.
Sam:<dead-pan> Yeah. Never seen *that* before.
>"What did you do to me?" She nearly shouted.
Alex:<Jack Nicholson> The mirror! Give me the mirror!!
>"I evaluated your character. It is as I thought. You are strong of
>will, but weak in body. Walk around the room three times,
>counter-clockwise."
Sam: The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.
Clover:<Spekkio> Let’s start with a quick jog. We’re gonna get you in shape, sweetie.
>Serena walked around the room three times, but she found that she went
>around the wrong way.
>"Oh, heck. I went backwards, didn't I?" Serena said, turning slightly
>red in the cheecks.
Alex: Red in the what?
Sam: Either “checks” or “cheeks”.
Clover: Considering how she spends money, it could be either.
>Spekkio, obviously chagrined, frowned and said to himself, "She's not
>very bright, is she?"
Sam: Not since she showed up in this fanfic, no.
>Then, to Serena, he said, "When you go around
>the room three times, the right way, you will have the magic of the
>moon."
Alex: A form of magic that hasn’t existed in the Chrono Trigger universe until now, but be a sport and play along/
>"Of course I do," Serena said. "I've had it for quite some time."
>Trying to talk as she walked, she tripped. "D'oh! Waaahh!"
>"If you don't learn to stand up for yourself, you'll never get
>anywhere."
>Serena got back up and completed her three laps.
Clover: So what is this? Gym class now?
>"Right direction this time. Good! You have learned Lunar Boost, which
>will increase your strength during battle. This is the first spell you
>will learn. If you practice, eventually, you will master the moon's
>magic."
Sam:<Serena> Again?! I’ve been trying to master it for five seasons now!
>Serena walked up to Spekkio, and hugged him. "Thanks!"
Alex:<Serena> You’ve been so helpful and… HEY! GET YOU HAND OFF MY ASS!
Sam: Alex…
>"You are welcome. Now... Begone!"
Clover:<Spekkio> Get out of my sight! You disgust me!
>----
>Serena sat up in bed, sweating.
Alex:<Serena> Man… I have to lay off the “Silent Hill” before bedtime.
>"What a weird dream..." Serena said to herself.
>"Dream?" Spekkio's voice echoed in her mind. "Your time will come soon
>enough... Just don't forget, okay?"
Clover:<Spekkio a la Obi Wan Kenobi> Remember, Serena… The force will be with you… always/
>"Umm... Okay." Serena pulled the covers over herself and went back to
>sleep.
Sam:<Serena> Yeah… Whatever… Zzzzzz…
>--------
>After the fire reading, Koban was visibly shaken.
All: But not stirred!
>Frog decided to talk to him and maybe have a mock-battle to test their relative strength.
Clover: What the hell. They’ve mocked everything else so far.
Sam: Ouch!
>He sat down next to Koban.
>"I wish to know of thy skill, Koban," He began. "What be thy weapon?"
Alex:<Frog> WHAT is your quest?!
>Koban's eyes, one green, one blue, seemed to light up with a mystic
>fire. "I am the sworn protector of the twin ninja swords of Masamune
>and Murasame."
Sam: Mile O’Keefe *IS* Koban The Ninja Cat!
Alex;<Koban> Wanna see me build a hang-glider?
>"What on Earth? Thou haveth the Masamune as well?"
Clover:<Frog> They told me that my sword was one of a kind! When I get my hands on that blacksmith…
>Frog unsheathed his sword, followed by Koban.
>"Aha! My Masamune is quite a bit thinner," Koban stated, "and black as
>well."
Sam: Please, it prefers the term “African-American”.
>"Aye, though they be the same in name, they are quite different. Thou
>possesseth a katana, and I posses a broad sword!"
Clover:<Frog> Aye, I be quite the Scots swordsfrog.
Sam:<Koban> Wasn’t your accent British before?
Clover:<Frog> I cannae remember.
>"Mine has the red dragon inscribed on the blade, going down to the
>hilt."
>"Mine is much plainer, yet it houses two mystic beings."
Alex:<Koban> Mine has a Nev-R-Dull blade!
Sam:<Frog> Mine lights up when I press this button!
>"Mine was carved from the tooth of the Red Dragon."
Clover:<Ruby from Lunar 2: Eternal Blue> I’ll get that damn swordsmith… Owie…
>Magus walked into the room, looking for the kitchen.
>"Comparing your might, eh?" He said in is his usual, blas_ tone.
Alex: His usual *what* tone?!
>"Beware, Magus," Frog said to him, "there be two Masamunes now!"
Sam:<Magus> Oh, yeah… I forgot. <snort, snigger> You actually thought that thing was one of a kind.
Alex:<Frog> What…?
Sam:<Magus> They sell those things at the Dollar Store, you fool.
>"Rubbish!" Magus said, with the tiniest hint of fear in his eyes.
>Frog stood up and walked next to Magus, then pointed the Masamune at
>him.
Clover:<Frog> I accuse YOU, Magus!
>Magus shivered, then said, "Get that thing away, toad, or I'll turn
>you into a rabite."
Sam: Ooh… A “Secret of Mana” reference. Clever.
>"Try yours, Koban," Frog said, withdrawing back to where he was
>sitting.
Alex: Can Magus tell the difference between our new brand of Masamune and the *other* brand? Let’s see!
Sam:<Magus> Hmmm… This sword is made with Folger’s crystals.
>"Damn..."
>Koban stood up and did the same as Frog. Magus smiled slightly.
>"It feels warm, almost comforting."
Alex:<Magus> …like warm, apple pie.
Sam: Alex…
>Koban pulled a rag out of his pocket, and polished his Masamune,
>admiring the way his face was reflected in the ebon surface of the
>blade. Koban then placed it at eye level, resting the blade in his
>palm, and stared down its length. He then ran his fingers along the
>flat of the blade, feeling the dragon's image etched on it.
Clover: Accidentally cutting off his hand.
Sam: INTENSE… POLISHING… ACTION!!
>After this, he reached into his pocket and produced a small, black stone.
>"What is that for?" Magus inquired.
>"*togu ni ishi-* A sharpening stone," Koban said, proceeding to strike
>the stone against the edge of his Masamune's blade.
All: CRACK!
Alex:<Koban> Damn… Broke another one…
>After looking at the blade again, Koban polished the spot that he sharpened with the
>rag, and held the blade in front of him, flexing it slightly.
>"This be one fine mystery," Frog commented.
Sam:<
>"Indeed," Magus replied.
>"It's weird all right," Koban added.
Alex:<Ruri Hoshino> These people are idiots.
>"A light Masamune," Frog continued, "and a dark Masamune. Or so it
>seems."
Clover:<Frog> It’s hard to tell. I lost my glasses.
>"I never specifically said mine was a dark one. But, as they say, 'the
>proof is in the pudding.'"
Sam: And knowing is half the battle!
>"Well, if Magus takes a liking to it, it must be enchanted with some
>type of dark magic."
>"A Ninja does not dabble in dark magic. The Ninja should not succumb
>to evil influences."
Sam: Yeah. They just dress in black, sneak around, commit murder…
Alex:<Koban> WE ARE NINJA OF BORG. YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE.
>"Lemme see those things," Magus said, snatching both Masamunes. He
>shivered from Frog's Masamune, yet Koban's Masamune seemed to counter
>the effect of the other one.
Clover: INTENSE… COMPARISON… ACTION!!
Sam: Ummm… Hello? Plot? Are you there?
>Koban drew the other blade from its scabbard, and examined it. It
>looked identical in nearly every way.
>"The Murasame seems to be sleeping..." he muttered.
Alex:<Koban> Stupid lazy ass sword…
>"Hmm..." Magus thought out loud, "Suppose if we melted the blades of
>these two blades, and reforged them together?"
Sam:<Frog> But what about the *blades*?!
Alex: He’s getting all redundant on us.
>Koban advanced on Magus, brandishing the Murasame in his hand.
>"No way buddy! I have taken a solemn vow to let no harm come to the
>Masamune, or to this blade!"
Clover:<Koban> The name of which is on the tip of my tongue…
Sam:<Frog> Murasame.
Clover:<Koban> Right!
Sam:<Frog> Knob.
>"That would either make a *very* powerful sword," Frog mused, "or it
>would totally ruin the balance of nature."
Alex:<Frog> Either works for me.
>"'Twas only an idea," Magus said."
Sam:<Magus> Great. Now I’m talking like frog boy.
>"Matter and antimatter..." Koban said, with a look of dread in his
>eyes.
>"WHAT?" Frog and Magus said at the same time.
Alex and Sam:<Frog and Magus> SPEAK UP! WE CAN’T HEAR YOU!
>"In theory every particle of matter has its opposite. The scientific
>name for the opposite is 'antimatter.' Theoretically, if matter and
>antimatter ever meet, they will annihilate each other in a huge
>explosion."
Sam: Actually, matter and antimatter coexist in all substances and a collision between the two will
generally cause them to cancel each other out.
Clover: Whatever, Sam.
>Magus grinned, while Frog grimaced.
>"Mayhap thou wouldst like to have a mock battle in the training room,"
Alex:<Koban> Oh, yeah. The plot point from ten paragraphs ago, right?
>Frog said, looking at Koban's Masamune.
>"Where was I?" Magus asked himself. "Ah, yes..." Magus walked into the
>kitchen.
Sam:<Magus> Alright! Let’s have Tostitos!
>"That should be very interesting," Koban said.
Clover: Magus eating is interesting?
Alex: So far it’ll be the most exciting event in the story.
>----
>After the battle, Frog put a damp towel on his head and sat down on a
>mat.
All: WHAT?!
>"That was quite a battle," Koban said, watching Frog dip the towel in
>a bucket of water, and place it on his head again.
Clover: Yeah. An incredible battle that we DIDN’T EVEN SEE!
Alex: So, we gut tons of banter and Koban shining his sword but an action scene is out of the question?
>"Yes," Said Frog. "We did not hit each other once, and we were not
>trying not to hit each other."
Sam: Which begs the question, what was the point?
>----
>That night, before Magus went to sleep, he reached into his pack and
>pulled out a calendar. He waved his hand over it, and another day was
>crossed out.
Alex:<Magus> You’re next Friday…
Sam:<Magus> For my next trick I’ll make Monday disappear!
>He flipped the leaves over, counting the number of unmarked squares
>left before the one labeled "Revenge."
Clover: This time it’s PERSONAL!
>====
<They exit the theater>
**
“Honestly,”
Sam muttered as the trio exited the theater. “How does Jerry expect us to keep
up with that? Our last fanfic was way shorter than
this fanfic.”
“Shorter,
but much worse,” said Alex.
“I’m
afraid we’re going to have to cut you off,” Magic Voice chimed in. “We’re
running way over our time limit on this show.”
“Show?”
asked Clover.
“Don’t
ask and push the button,” Magic Voice replied.
Clover
shrugged and pushed the button.
\ |
/
\ |
/
\ | /
\ | /
\ | /
\|/
-------FWOOOOSH!!-------
/|\
/ | \
/ | \
/ | \
/ |
\
/ |
\
“Hey,
that computer thingie sounds like you, Sam.”
“Duh,
Alex…”
THE REAL END
(The “Totally Spies” closing theme plays)
Starring The Voices Of:
Jennifer
Hale as Sam/Mandy/Magic Voice
Andrea
Taylor as Clover
Katie
Leigh as Alex
and
Jess Harnell as Jerry
**
Well,
it’s a lot later that I thought it would be, but episode two of TST3K is
finished! Yay! I just hope someone reads it. T-T
Episodes 3 and 4 will be along soon as will episode 27 of
CCST3K. So stay tuned!
-CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)
Season One:
1) The Brain From Planet Arous-A Ranma ½ Fic By Ryoucilo
2) The Mike Rhea Anthology-Ranma ½ Fics By Mike Rhea
(Loves Me, Loves Me Not/ Akane Gets Drained/ Konatsu’s First Kiss)
3) Neon Ranma Evangelion-A Ranma ½ /Neon Genesis Evangelion Fic By Khyron Kingkiller
4) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 1)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy
5) Stolen-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou
6) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 2)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy
7) The True Power Of Love-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By poshul
8) Marco Polo-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou
9)
10) Is It Reality Or Just A Trick?-A Sailor Moon Fic By Dr. Thinker
Season
Two:
11) The Next Generation-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By JimAndZazu
12) Caught In The Act-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Second Sailor Destiny
13) The Shadow Leaders-A Sailor Moon Fic By Dr. Thinker
14) Shinji’s Alter-Ego-A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fic By John82
15) Sailor Jupiter Vs. Godzilla-A Sailor Moon Fic By Flashman (Christian A. Rogers)
16)
17) No Need For CardCaptors-A Tenchi Muyo/Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Christina Horton
18)
19) Mother, May I [Take Over The World]-A Pokemon Fic By Mallet Boy
20) Syaoran: Romeo… Not Really-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By Golden Eyed Dragon
Season Three:
21) Harry Potter And the Pantie Raiders-A Harry Potter Fic By Ice Blue X
22) The Unforgettable Promise-A Love Hina Fic By KenshinRC
23) To Find My Dad And Have A Family-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By MoshiMoshiQueen
24) Revolutionary Girl Asuka-A Neon Genesis Evangelion/Shoujo Kakumei Utena Fic By Joyce K. Wakabayashi
25) A Dream Come True-A CardCaptor Sakura Fic By Crystalina Rhapsody Draco
26) The Only Constant-A Star Trek: The Next Generation Fic By Stephen Ratliff
27) The Lionel Dark Anthology-Card Captor Sakura(CardCaptors)/Lord Of The Rings Fics By Lionel Dark
(Signs That Say You’re Like Lionel Dark/ More Signs The You’re Like Elle/ The Scythe Carrier)
28) The Ranma ½ Cast Does CCS-A Ranma ½/CardCaptor Sakura Fic By Matthew Cline
29) Megamon X-A Pokemon/Megaman X Fic By Brock Shale
30) Hotaru Goes To Hogwarts-A Sailor Moon/Harry Potter Fic By Saturn Angels
Deep Fried SPAM:
1) Why Not Make A Little Money While Surfing The Net
2) Now Offering For Your “Sensitive” Delight… New And Improved!
Specials:
-Christmas Special-Under The Mistletoe/Tsubasa Gets What He Deserves-Ranma ½ Fics By Mike Rhea
-Summaries Of Suffering Vol. 1-A CCST3K Spin-off By Ciircee and Chelle-Sama
-Summaries Of Suffering Vol. 2-A CCST3K Spin-off By Ciircee and Chelle-Sama
Other MSTings:
Totally Spies Theater 3000:
Season One:
1)
What If Meowth Was A Girl?-A Pokemon Fic By Dr. Thinker
2)
Sailor Trigger-A Sailor Moon/Chrono Trigger Fic By Sailor Koban
(w/ short BB Hood’s Rampage-A DarkStalkers Fic By FlamingSmileyFace)
>"GRAPH!" the Gnasher growled, and disappeared.
Mystery Science Theater 3000
and its related characters and situations
are trademarks of and (c) 2003
by Best Brains, Inc. All rights
reserved.
Keep Circulating The Fanfics....