TST3K(Season One)#3-Believe

*LIKE, TURN DOWN YOUR LIGHTS, KAY?*

(And give yourself a severe case of eyestrain)

(The spy world isn't what it used to be....)

CCST3K’s Magical MSTery Tour Productions Presents…

"TOTALLY SPIES THEATER 3000" (SEASON ONE)

EPISODE 3: BELIEVE

(A Street Fighter MSTing)

MSTed From the Desk of CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)

This is a MSTing of a work of fiction created by another author.

Use of copyrighted and trademarked material is for entertainment

purposes only; no infringement on the original copyrights or

trademarks held by Best Brains, Inc. is intended or should be inferred.

“Totally Spies” is the property of Marathon Animation

“Street Fighter” is the property of Capcom Co..

“Believe” is the property of Blackjack Gabbiani and is used with permission.

I do not intend to offend her by making fun of her work like this but

I figure it's only a matter of time before someone does. Think of this as another form of C&C. ;)

(Cue "Totally Spies Theater 3000 Love Theme" in 5....4....3....)

In the not-too-distant future,

Way down in WOOHP 13

There was a guy named Jerry,

Who had brand new scheme.

He had some spies who drove him nuts,

So he used a plan, which took some guts.

He made them all his new test case.

So he crammed them in a rocket

And he shot them into space!!

(Clover: JERRRRYYYYY!!!!)

(Sam and Alex: Get us DOWN!!)

Oh, we’ll send them crappy fanfics,

The worst we can find (la, la, la)

And they’ll have to sit and read them all

And we’ll monitor their minds. (la, la, la)

Now keep in mind the spies can’t control,

Where the fanfics begin or end (la, la, la)

So they’ll try to keep their sanity

Until this series ends.

SPY GIRL ROLL CALL:

Mandy:

“I’m NOT a spy!”

Alex:

“Hi, there!”

Sam:

“The smart one.”

CLOOOOOOOVER!!

“As if.”

If you’re wondering how they eat and breathe,

And other science facts (la, la, la)

Then repeat to yourself:

*It’s just a show!*

I should really just relax

For TOTALLY SPIES THEATER 3000!

(Sam, Alex and Clover: What-EVER!)

[SATELLITE OF SPIES]

<It’s another day on the Satellite of Spies. Our trio of heroines is trying to keep busy. As always, they are dressed in their WOOHP issue bodysuits, which look suspiciously like color coded plug suits. Sam, the redhead, is busy trying to hack into the satellite’s computers; Clover, the blonde, is busy checking herself out in a mirror; and Alex, the brunette, is, well, just sitting around trying to resist the temptation to push buttons.>

Alex: Sammy, this is boring. Why can’t I do anything?

Sam:<still working at the console> Alex… Last time I asked you to help you almost decompressed the atmosphere in the satellite.

Clover: Well, at least we haven’t had to deal with Mandy for a while.

Alex: Well, we can’t keep her locked in that closet forever, Clover.

<There’s a loud banging sound coming from a nearby closet.>

Mandy:<muffled> You three had better let me out of here right NOW!! <BANG, BANG!>

Clover: Uhh… Sure thing, Mandy. We just need to find the key to that closet.

Mandy:<muffled> WELL, LOOK FASTER!!

<Suddenly, three trap doors open under the girls and they fall through them to the main bridge>

Sam, Clover and Alex:<falling> AHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhh…

Mandy:<muffled> Clover?! CLOVER?! You’d better be looking for that key!!

<CRASH!>

Clover: Owww… <picks herself up and dusts herself off.> We have go to talk to Jerry about those trap doors.

Sam:<gets up> Well, Clover, looks like you got your wish. <smacks the button>

Alex: Owww… Why do I always end up on the bottom? <gets up>

[WOOHP 13]

<Standing with his arms behind his back and dressed in his usual black suit is Jerry, head of WOOHP,

an older British guy>

Jerry: Good afternoon, ladies. So nice of you to *drop* in.

Sam:<over commlink> Jerry… Don’t you ever get tired of that pun.

Jerry: No. Not really.

Clover:<over commlink> Jerr… You’ve got to do something about these trap doors. My butt is totally bruised.

Alex:<over commlink> I think I have bruises all over… Owie…

Jerry: Well, I’ll look into it but I can’t promise anything. By the way, how are you getting along with that other girl

up there?

Clover:<over commlink> Mandy? Uhh… She keeps to herself.

Alex:<over commlink> She seems stuck in the closet lately.

Jerry: Oh, dear… I didn’t realize.

Sam:<over commlink> Not *that* kind of closet, Jerry.

Jerry:<sweatdrops> Oh…

[SATELLITE OF SPIES]

Sam: So what are you sending us this time, Jerry?

Jerry:<over commlink> Well, it’s a fanfiction based on a popular video game.

Alex: Another one?!

Jerry:<over commlink> This one is a “Street Fighter” story involving one Cammy White.

Clover: Oh?

Jerry:<over commlink> It’s called “Believe” and it’s by Blackjack Gabbiani. Enjoy!

Spies:<sarcastic> What-EVER!

Jerry:<over commlink> Very amusing. <cuts off the commlink>

Sam: WE’VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!!

(Door 6: It’s Clover’s walk-in closet. The doors slide open and you walk through.)

(Door 5: It’s Sam’s front door. She forgot her key so Alex needs to use a hairpin to pick the lock.)

(Door 4: It’s the spies’ wardrobe. You spend twenty minutes trying to find your way to the other side.)

(Door 3: It’s a waterfall. The girls freeze it and smash through.)

(Door 2: It’s a mirror. Once you pry the girls away from checking their makeup, you move on.)

(Door 1: It’s a trap door. You fall through it.)

(Door .7: The camera pans downward to a giant ‘WHOOP’ logo. The second ‘O’ opens up and you walk through..)

Sam, Alex and Clover take their seats in the front row.

>Believe

Alex: This doesn’t have anything to do with that crappy Cher song, does it?

Sam:<overwrought> Darling! You must believe!

Clover:<overwrought> I can’t! I can’t believe it’s not butter!

Alex:<sweatdrops> Is there something you two aren’t telling me?

>by Blackjack Gabbiani

Sam: Okay, I’ll play double down.

Alex: Eight. You’re bust, Sam.

Sam: Damn!

>"He's ready to see you now."

Clover: Who’s ready to see who now?

Sam: I see the first line in just as ambiguous as the title.

>Cammy looked up from her magazine.

Alex:<looking at the magazine> Huh… This issue of Cosmo is from 1994.

>She hadn't been reading it, of course,

Sam: After all, she was illiterate.

Clover: Ouch!

>but had picked it up in the hopes that it could distract her from her surroundings.

Alex: But no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t distract herself from the fact that she was still in Cleveland.

>The sterility of hospitals brought back bad memories, not to mention that she was here to see one of the few friends she'd ever had.

Clover: Juni had accidentally sprained her wrist breaking some guy’s neck again.

Sam: Oh well.

>Slowly, she entered the room. The doctor had warned her about what she would see, but it was still unnerving.

Alex: But E. Honda had insisted that she be the first to see the results of his sex-change.

Sam: Urk! Alex!!

>All those tubes and machines...and there he was, lying still and quiet in the center of it all.

Clover:<Cammy> Great. He’s back in the matrix again.

Sam: Neo can be so inconsiderate.

>"Hey," he whispered.

Clover: He WHO?! God, can this story be any more vague?!

Sam:<speaker> Hi! I’m Pat!

>"Kurt, how are you feeling?" she asked as she pulled up a seat next to the bed.

Alex:<Kurt> Well, for someone who’s on life support and about three inches from death, not bad.

Sam: Kurt Russell’s brief stint at doing his own stunts comes to a close.

>He smiled weakly and closed his eyes. "I thought I was gonna die...but I think I'm gonna make it now."

Sam:<Kurt, singing> I’m gonna make it after aaaaaaaalllll!

>"That's good..."

Clover:<Cammy> I’d hate to have to face this fanfic alone.

>After a moment, Kurt chuckled softly. "So, you trust my instinct now?"

Alex: Is this the same instinct that helped him avoid injury?

Sam: I hope not.

>Cammy rolled her eyes, silently relieved that he was making jokes again.

Clover: That was a joke? Kurt better keep his day job.

Sam:<Kurt> I just flew in from Thailand and boy, are my arms tired.

Alex:<Kurt> So what’s the deal with airline peanuts, folks?

>"I guess I have to. I mean..." She grew quiet again.

Alex:<Cammy> Ummm… Line?

>"Kurt...I have to tell you something. The plutonium was a secondary goal. Shadowloo was after me all along."

Sam:<Cammy> The DeLorean plot was just a ruse, man.

Clover:<Cammy> It’s almost like I was some sort of biological project they had invested a lot of time and money in. Weird, huh?

Alex: Cammy White: Street Fighter’s answer to Rei Ayanami.

>"I heard. I also heard about your battle at Westminster."

Alex:<Cammy> I didn’t mean to blow up the Abby! I swear!

>He smiled again. "You ripped that masked psycho a new one, I hear."

Sam:<Cammy> Well, after Jason X, someone had to do something.

>"How did you--"

Clover:<Kurt> I’m psychic!

Sam: Yeah. Him and Espa Roba.

>"Hanna filled me in a few hours ago. Said you've been kickin' back since then. Gettin' soft there, Cams," he smiled.

Alex:<Cammy> It’s those darned Lay’s chips! I can’t eat just one!

>"Like you know from working," Cammy huffed sarcastically.

Sam: Uhhh… Huh?

Alex: This cryptic statement courtesy “Vampire Princess Miyu”, where if it’s not enigmatic and confusing, it ain’t dialogue!

>There was another silence, and she tried desperately not to hear the slow, steady beeping of the heart monitor.

Clover:<Cammy> Ummm… Line?

Sam: These people need to attend more rehearsals.

>There was something else she was trying to avoid, too; something she feared, in it's own way, more than Vega himself.

Alex: It was the court house messenger who was trying to serve her with papers for a civil suit for all the damage she’d caused.

>"Cammy?" Kurt whispered.

>"I'm here," she replied, his sudden address rattling her.

Sam:<Kurt> Cammy White, Delta Red HQ. London, England

Clover:<Cammy> GAH!

>"I...meant what I said back there. About not letting you go."

Alex: In fact, his disembodied hand was still clamped to her wrist.

Clover:<Cammy> Get it off! Get it OFF!

>And there it was. Her greatest fear was set free, like evil spirits from Pandora's box.

Sam: Like a wildly, overwrought metaphor.

>He continued. "In five years, I'd get to retire. That's what I meant by 'five years later'."

Alex:<Kurt> Well, that and the inevitable sequel.

Clover: Can’t be any worse than the *live-action* Street Fighter movie.

>Cammy sat, stunned, with his words from the jungle echoing in her mind.

Sam:<Kurt a la Rambo> I’M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE!

>If I had met you five years later, I would never let you go...

Alex:<Kurt> But for the time being, I hate your guts.

>She shook her head, forcing herself to focus on other things.

Clover: New Etch-A-Sketch Cammy! Shake her to erase her memory!

>Fortunately, Kurt had turned his attention to mastering the control panel on his armrest, so she quickly let herself forget.

Sam:<Kurt> Bed goes up… Bed goes down… Bed goes up… Bed goes down…

>***

Alex:<Crow T. Robot> Leonard Maltin gave three stars to*this*?!

>Six weeks later, Kurt was released from the hospital. He would never walk again, but he didn't seem to care.

All:<singing> You’ll neeeeeever waaaaaaaalk agaaaaaaaaaaiiinnnn!

>Everyone was just glad he was alive.

Sam: Or, at least they pretended to be.

>Hanna and Cammy both took the day off, and the three of them set off on a jaunt around London. They sped through Piccadilly Circus,

Clover:<Garth Algar> Man… This is a really crappy circus.

Alex:<Wayne Campbell> Good call, Garth. Where are the elephants and stuff?

>heard some bands play in Hyde Park, and tried on hats on Sloane Street.

Sam: It was a colorful montage of stock footage!

>Kurt, only half-joking, suggested that they go to Queensway and see how well his wheelchair could handle the ice rink.

Clover: They responded by seeing how well his wheelchair could handle the stairs to the London Underground.

>At the end of the day, the trio was exhausted, and headed back across town to Vauxhall Cross and MI6 headquarters.

All:<imitate the James Bond theme>

Sam:<Cammy> Oops… I’m late for my appointment with Q!

Alex:<Q> Now pay attention, Cammy. And do try to return some of these items in working order.

>After dropping Hanna off at her flat, Cammy drove silently, her head still ringing from the noise of the day.

Clover:<Cammy> Goddamn this noise inside my head. Goddamn this noise inside my head.

Sam: Uh…. Clover? You’re creeping us out here.

>Kurt, in the back seat, just stared out the window. A few minutes passed before he spoke.

Clover:<Kurt> So… How ‘bout them Mets?

>"Y'know, it's weird. I've been to all those places a million times, but today, everything seemed so different. Everything I've done today is...like I'm doing it for the >first time. I donno if it's because of what's happened, or what, but it's like I'm someplace I've never been before."

Alex: And now the painkillers have kicked in.

Sam:<Kurt> WhoooAhhh! Parliament just turned into a giant insect, man!

>Cammy sighed. It was inevitable. He was bound to mention the topic she dreaded.

Clover:<Kurt> Cammy… About these items on your expense account.

>"Cammy, I just feel like...I donno...like I woke up in another world. Like it's almost real, but not quite. And I donno what do to about it. I wish I could go back to >where I came from...Things just don't seem right here."

Sam: Yeah. A world where people use nonsense words like “donno”.

Alex:<Kenshin> Kaoru-donno?

>She nodded. "I think...I know what you mean. When I found out about my past...I mean, before that, I just kinda put bad things behind me. But facing down Vega >and Bison is...something that you can't forget."

Clover: Especially when Capcom keeps rehashing it every year or so with a new sequel.

>Kurt closed his eyes and sighed. "Made me appreciate the little things, that's for damn sure. Like, I never noticed before how crowded this city really is. Or...how >the river shines during sunset. Things most people don't notice."

Sam:<Kurt> Why don’t they *look*?!

Alex:<Kurt> Like why do hot dogs come in packages of eight and hot dog buns come in packages of ten?

>Cammy parked the car and turned it off.

Clover:<Cammy> Gawwd… You are getting *fat*, car!

Sam:<car> Waaaaahhh! It’s not my fault I’m an SUV!!

Alex: That was…surreal.

>"Maybe there's something special about us," she offered. God dammit, why did I have to say something so bloody stupid? she thought immediately.

Sam: Cammy seems “special” all right. She’s talking to herself.

Clover:<Cammy> Shut up! What do you know?! I know more about good dialogue, it seems. Oh sure. Throw *that* in my face.

>Kicking herself mentally for her lapse, she opened the rear door and began to set up his wheelchair.

Alex: She’s planning to shove it down the stairs.

>He smiled at her. "I'd believe it."

Clover: You’d believe anything. You still believe the Earth is flat.

>Oh god... "Believe what?"

Sam:<Kurt> In fairies and Santa and the Easter bunny.

Alex: What’s wrong with that?

>"What you were just sayin'. About there being something special about us."

Clover:<Kurt> You did mean that in the non-retarded way, right?

>Cammy turned bright red and prayed that the setting sun would hide this from Kurt. He continued. "Cammy...I've been thinking about a lot of things...and I want to >tell you something..."

Alex:<Kurt> I’ve decided… to start talking… like William Shatner.

>Not this...

Sam:<Cammy> …lame fanfic.

>"Um...would you like to catch a show sometime?"

Alex:<Cammy> Sure. Here!<mimes throwing something>

>Cammy paused. Did I hear him right? "Um...sure..." That wasn't so bad...

Clover:<Cammy> Shut up, brain! I didn’t ask *you*! Oh, sure. Pick on the smart one. You sicken me. Oh bite me, you little whiner.

>"Because I really...like you a lot. You probably already knew, but..."

Sam:<Kurt> I figured I’d provide some exposition in case there’s anyone who didn’t get the point earlier in the story.

>Cammy shook her head, her braids swaying slightly with the movement.

Sam:<Mint Adnade> You have lovely hair.

Clover:<Arche Klane> I have lovely *everything*!

>"I...just don't..."

Alex:<Cammy> …have… a clue… what my… lines are.

>"Hmm? Cams, you ok?"

Sam:<Kurt> Fender, how about you? Carburetor, how’s your wife?

>She whirled around to face away from him. "Kurt, I can't believe you'd even ask me such a thing.

Clover:<Cammy> How dare you try to comfort me when I’m clearly disturbed! Screw you, Kurt!

>Don't you know I was a Shadowloo agent?"

Alex:<Cammy> I’m a double agent, Kurt. I’m selling you out to Bison for a new Porshe.

>The harshness in her tone shocked her.

Sam:<Cammy> My voice is getting pretty rough. Better buy some lozenges.

>"Cammy, I know we've been through a lot, but we also need to have lives, ya know.

Clover:<Kurt> Otherwise, we’d be… y’know… dead.

>We can't be slaves to our pasts or to anything else. Just live for the present, that's all."

Sam:<Kurt> Screw planning for the future! We’ve got *Tostitos*!

>"That would explain your fighting style. All rough and no finnesse."

Clover: It also describes his hair.

>Again, she had no idea where her words were coming from.

Alex: I’m guessing her mouth.

Sam: Not literally, Alex.

>Mentally, she scolded herself for being so harsh, especially with no real provocation.

Clover:<Cammy> Geez… Whose bright idea was it to give me Akane Tendo’s characterization?

>"Cammy..." He trailed off. "Just help me get inside. That'll be all then."

Alex:<Kurt> I’m spacing out again so I can’t keep up this conversation.

>***

Sam:<Capt. Picard> THERE… ARE… THREE… STARS

>The next work day, Cammy checked in at the desk and promptly went to the vending machines to get some coffee.

Clover:<Cammy> Ah… Sweet caffeine.

>She hadn't slept a wink all night, and while her body felt rested, her mind was a wreck.

Sam: Ummm… If she hasn’t slept, why would her body feel rested?

>Somehow, she made it to her office without Hanna seeing her.

Alex:<Cammy> She’s going to start bugging me about that twenty I owe her again. I just know it.

>"I still can't believe it all,"

Sam:<Cammy> Ripley *must* be making some of that stuff up.

>she said to herself as she pulled her chair around and removed the phone jack from the wall.

Clover: Say anything and die, Alex.

>"Bloody hell, five new reports..." She was secretly pleased, though, to have so much work, so she didn't have to think about last night.

Sam:<Cammy> Oy! Do I sound British enough yet, luv? Or should I throw in a few more clichés?

>An hour passed with no real progress, but the distraction was enough. Cammy found her thoughts wandering to nothing more complex than what sort of sandwich >to order for lunch.

Alex: Who knew Cammy was so simple-minded?

Clover: If that Jared guy shows up, I’m leaving.

>But the tranquility was not to last, as Hanna swung open the door and strode in.

Sam:<Hanna> SURPRISE!

Clover: Yeah… Don’t knock or anything. Just walk in.

>"Ack! Hanna!" Cammy spat out her coffee in surprise.

Clover: Ewwww… Say it, don’t spray it.

Alex:<Cammy> This isn’t Maxwell House! It’s NesCafe!

Sam: She’s going to have to gargle for a while to get *that* taste out of her mouth.

>"Cammy, Kurt just rang my office. He's been tryin' to ring you for the past hour! Did you unhook your phone or something? Oh, bloody hell, you did. Cammy, >what in the world are you trying to prove?"

Alex:<Cammy> That I know how to unhook my phone?

>Cammy didn't say anything, just looked down at her desk.

Sam:<Cammy> There’s a word missing from my sentence. It’s got to be here somewhere.

Alex: And suddenly there were five *more* reports on her desk.

>"That boy's nearly desperate, and you just brush him off like he's nothing. Is that right?"

Clover: Well, duh! Who wants to be seen with someone who’s nothing and desperate?

Sam: That was very shallow and materialistic, Clover.

Clover: Well, a girl needs to keep her standards.

>"Hanna." The name was whispered, like a breath from a mourner.

Alex:<Cammy> I just heard my mother died… Please leave me alone.

Sam:<Hanna> You don’t *have* a mother.

Alex:<Cammy> Oh, sure pick on the poor orphan, you big meanie!

>The lieutenant hushed immediately. "Cammy...what happened last night? Are you OK?"

Clover:<Cammy> Why does everyone keep asking me that?

>"I...don't know. Honestly, Hanna, I don't know." Cammy realized with some chagrin that her eyes were starting to water.

Sam:<Cammy> Geez… Ever heard of showering, Hanna? Your body funk is killing me!

Clover: Eeeewww…

>"Tell me. Was it something he did? What happened after you dropped me off?"

Sam:<Cammy a la Jack Nicholson> You want answers?

Alex:<Hanna a la Tom Cruise> I WANT THE TRUTH!

Sam:<Cammy a la Jack Nicholson> YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!

>"He...I took him to his flat, and I was helping him in, when he told me..."

Clover:<Cammy>…that there *wasn’t* a Santa Claus! Waaaah!

Alex:<eyes tearing up>W-what?!

Clover: Uh… I was kidding, Alex! Really!

>"It's OK, Cammy. Nothing leaves this room."

Sam: How can she guarantee that? Is she a doctor or a lawyer or…?

Clover: Quit being so literal minded, Sam.

>"It's not that I'm worried about. It could be the most clandestine operation ever, or the world's best-known fact. But I'd still be scared...because it still happened."

Alex: The Clandestine Operation! The latest thriller by Robert Ludlum and some guy you’ve never heard of!

Sam: There are going to be fewer of those coming out now that ol’ Rob is dead.

Clover: Don’t count on it.

>"Cammy, I've seen you face down inhuman psychos and power incarnate, and not bat an eye.

Sam: Sigourney Weaver *IS* Cammy White in “Believe”!

>Even after you found out your past, you weren't this upset. For the love of God, you've got to tell me what he said!"

Clover:<Hanna, whiny> Come oooooon! Pretty please? I’ll be your friend!

>Cammy sniffled. "When you put it like that, it sounds so foolish to be hung up over such a little thing, but...he told me...that he fancies me."

Clover: Huh?

Sam: He likes me in Brit-speak, Clover.

Clover: Damn Brits… Why can’t they speak American like the rest of us?

Sam: Clover…

Clover: Hm?

Sam: Go stick your head in an oven.

>Hanna smiled. "Is that why you're crying?"

Alex;<Cammy> No! It’s your cheap perfume! It’s killing me!

>"Yeah...sounds stupid, doesn't it?"

Sam: No. But your victory lines in Super SF II weren’t much.

>"Not at all!" Hanna cheered. "It sounds normal."

Alex:<Hanna> Rah-Rah! Sis-boom-Bah!

Clover:<Hanna> Finally! I’m not the dorkiest one here!

>"Normal? I couldn't sleep at all last night because I kept replaying that scene in my mind, and you're telling me it's normal?"

Alex: Her record has skipped a groove.

Sam:<Cammy> Don’t you know I was a Shadowloo agent? <click>… Don’t you know I was a Shadowloo agent? <click>… Don’t you know I was a Shadowloo agent? <click>…

>"Well...it may take a bit of getting used to for someone in your situation, but yes, normal."

Clover:<Cammy> Well, that’ ni-- HEY! Whadda ya mean “situation”?!

>Cammy stared at her hands.

Sam:<Cammy> What hath these hands wrought?

Alex:<Cammy> I can never play the piano again…<sniff>

>"...For certain?" she asked at length.

Clover: Sounded pretty short to me.

Sam: Now who’s being literal?

>"I went through a lot of this first time I fell in love. I would lie awake thinking about everything he said to me, and what it could mean..."

Clover:<Hanna> So, I started stalking him and rummaging through his trash to find the answers.

Alex: Speaking from experience, Clover?

Clover: Bite me!

>Cammy jerked back. "Wait a minute! Who said I was in love?"

Sam:<Cammy> I don’t even *like* men!

Alex:<sweatdrops> Uh… Sam…?

>Hanna giggled, something that seemed ill-suited to her professional nature. "Well, if my experience has been any barometer, it's at least an infatuation.

Clover: Hanna, the amazing emotional weathergirl!

>Believe me, Cammy, things like this happen every day."

Sam: Things like what?

Alex: Sappy WAFF fics, I think.

>Believe. Something in that word brought her mind around. "I...I do believe, Hanna. Thank you."

Sam: So I guess Tinkerbell will live, huh?

Clover: Guess so.

>"Any time. Hey, tell you what, you file that first report before you call him, and I'll be there to back you up. OK?"

Alex: Please… She’s just using helpfulness to disguise her plans to eavesdrop on the conversation.

>***

Sam: If the stars had ellipses…

>Cammy felt like she was in a trance as she typed up the last of the details. Slowly, she exited her office and walked down the hallway to meet Hanna in the lounge.

Clover: …with her arms straight out in front of her, muttering nonsense.

Alex:<Cammy> Must… have… human… brains…

Sam:<Hanna> Crap! Someone call Jill Valentine!

>"Cammy, are you ready? If you want, I can read the numbers off to you, or I could dial." Hanna was being more than helpful, something Cammy usually liked, but >now found somewhat annoying.

Alex: Hey! That isn’t Hanna! It’s that lady who worked for John Carradine in “The Unearthly”!

Sam:<Cammy> When I said I wondered what it was like to have a mother, I didn’t mean *you*, Hanna.

>"Hanna, I think I can dial a simple phone number. Just tell me what it is."

Clover:<Hanna> Fine. Have it *your* way, Miss Bossy-Pants.

>As Hanna read the string of numbers, Cammy's mind wandered back to the earlier conversation. Believe. Why was I so affected by that word?

Clover: Maybe it’s because it’s the title of the fic?

Alex: Well, duuuuh!

>"Cammy, you stopped dialing. Is everything right?"

Sam:<Cammy> *Why* does everyone keep asking me that?!

>"Oh! Hanna! I'm sorry, I drifted for a second there. What was it again?"

Alex:<Cammy> 1-976… Hey, wait a second…

>"Just dial another 5 and you'll have it. Cammy, are you OK?"

Sam:<Cammy> Yeah. Just a little tired from not sleeping last niii…<THUMP!> Zzzzzzzzz….

>"I honestly don't know. You told me to believe you, and I don't know if I can do that.

Clover:<Cammy> You have a worse track record of telling the truth than Rush Limbaugh!

>I've never felt like this before. And...Hanna, maybe I'm not meant to be in love. I mean, I was created to fight. Even after leaving Shadowloo, that's still all I've >ever done. So no, I'm not OK. Does that answer your question?"

Alex:<Hanna> Depends. Is that your *final* answer?

Sam:<Cammy> Bite me, Hanna.

>Hanna took a step back, then gently took the phone from Cammy's hand and hung it back on the reciever.

Sam: Huh? Don’t you *talk* into the receiver? What part of the phone was she holding anyway?

Alex: Don’t think about it so much, Sam.

>"Look, it's not going to be easy. It never is, but in your case...but if anyone in the world is up to the challenge, I know it's you! You're the strongest person I know!

Clover:<Hanna> You’re the strongest woman in the world!

Sam:<Cammy> What about Chun-Li?

Clover:<Hanna> Screw her!

Alex:<Cammy> Well, if you insist…

Sam and Clover: ALEX!!

Alex: What?!

>No one else could have gone through what you've been through and come out all right. You've got to be the strongest person in the world! I swear it! Everyone >here admires you for it." She smiled. "Cammy, look. It's up to you if you want to pursue this. If you don't, that's fine. I'm sure he'll understand, but it's up to you."

Clover:<Hanna> Of course, we’ll all have to shun you for not doing exactly what we expect, buy hey! Them’s the breaks.

>"Hanna, you don't understand. I...I've never been close to anyone in my life! And the thought that someone wants to get close to me...scares me more than >anything in the world."

Sam:<Cammy> People carry germs! Stay away from me, you breeding ground of pestilence!

>The lieutenant wrapped her arms around the younger girl in a firm hug.

Sam:<Cammy> Well, thanks, Han--- Hey! Get your hands off my ass!

Alex:<sweatdrops> Sam… Are you *sure* there’s something you haven’t told me?

Sam: I don’t think so? Why?

Alec: Oh… Nothing.

>"Cammy, whatever you do in life, I'll always be your friend. And I know how hard it was for you to accept that you even have friends.

Clover:<Hanna, singing> I’ll be there for yoooooouuu…

Sam and Alex:<singing> When the rain starts to pour.

Clover:<Hanna, singing> I’ll be there for yoooooouuu…

Sam and Alex:<singing> Like I’ve been there before.

Clover:<Hanna, singing> I’ll be there for yoooooouuu…

All:<singing> ‘Cause you’re there for me toooooo…

>But look at you now! The whole bloody department is your friend! And that's no small feat, either." She would have gone on, but the intercom clicked on.

Sam:<intercom> This is Carlton, your doorman.

>"Ms. White, you have a call on Line 4."

Sam: I bet it’s Harvey Keitel.

Alex: Huh? Oh… Heh.

>***

Alex:<singing> Three little stars from fic are we.

>"Now be strong, Cammy. Whatever you're gonna tell him, just tell him."

Clover:<Cammy> Okay. <clears throat> Kurt, I hate you! Never darken my doorstep again, you pathetic turd!

>Cammy took a deep breath and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

Sam:<Cammy> Hello? Helllooo…. Testing, testing.

Alex:<Ayeka> Are you sure this thing is on?

>"Hey babe."

Alex:<speaker> What’s your sign?

Clover: Eeeewwww… Obscene phone call! Hang up quick!

>"Kurt!" She tried to sound surprised, but it didn't come out quite right.

Sam:<Cammy> Let me try that again… Kurt?! No. That was too hyper. Let’s see… Kurt…? No. Too sedate…

>"I've been trying to ring you. I tried your flat last night, and then this morning, and the office..."

Alex:<Kurt> I was starting to think you were avoiding me or something.

Clover: Kurt seems a wee bit slow on the uptick.

>"Kurt, we need to talk about last night." The words just spilled out, belying the difficulty behind them.

Alex:<Cammy> I’m pregnant.

Sam:<Cammy> You were really *bad*.

Clover:<Cammy> I’ve decided to see other people.

>Silence. Then, "I agree. Cammy, I didn't mean to make you angry. I don't know what I did, but I'm sorry."

Sam:<Kurt, whimpering> Please! Don’t abandon me, mistress!

Clover: I had a boyfriend like that once.

>Hanna poured herself a cup of coffee and walked to the door. "I'll be right outside if you need me," she said before exiting.

Alex:<Hanna> I’ll have my ear against the door, so you won’t even need to call.

>Cammy turned her attention back to the conversation at hand. "Kurt, there's...I have to tell you...I mean..." She sighed.

Sam: She *really* needs to study her lines more.

>"Kurt, let me just come out and say it. I've been thinking a lot about it, and I want to say yes."

Alex:<Kurt> To what?

>He laughed, not a normal laugh, but a surprised sound. "Yes? After raising bloody hell, and your only reply is 'Yes'? What the hell am I supposed to--"

Clover: What do you want from her? Blood? Bite me, Kurt.

>"I'd like to go to a show with you."

Sam: Just so long as it doesn’t feature Steven Segal or Jean Claude Van-Damme.

Clover: Or Adam Sandler.

Alex: Or Pamela Anderson, that snooty bit—

Sam: Alex!

>Again, silence. Cammy could hear Kurt softly breathing through the lines.

Alex:<Kurt, evil voice> Hello, Cammy… Remember me?

>"Cammy...OK then." He laughed again, only slightly more at ease. "I get the feeling there's a long and a short version of this story, and there's a lot you're not >telling me."

Sam: Which means there’s even *more* fanfic!

All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

>"Kurt, please don't ask me why. There's a lot of things I'm not ready to talk about yet."

Clover:<Cammy> Especially not to you, weenie-boy.

>"Hey, no problem. You'll tell me when you're ready. Cammy..."

>"Yes?"

Alex:<Kurt> Can we still shag?

Sam: ALEX!

>"Just tell me one thing then. Are we still friends?"

Sam:<Kurt> After all…<singing> How can we be lovers if we can’t be frieeeeends?!

Clover: Sam… Do that again and I *will* kill you.

>She smiled. "Always."

Sam:<Cammy> But you pinch my ass again and I’ll break both your arms.

>***

Alex: The constellation Scene Change.

>Cammy nestled down in her seat and squeezed Kurt's hand. "I hope the show's good," she whispered.

Clover:<Cammy> ‘Cause the company sure isn’t.

Sam: Shouldn’t we cut Kurt a break, guys?

Alex: Nah.

>"Oh hell yes. I just wish I could sit in the front! Damn handicapped seating.

Sam:<Kurt> Then we could’ve done it like on MST3K!

>But then again, if we were in the front, I couldn't do this..."

All: ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

>He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it softly.

All: Oh.

Sam: Woah! That was pretty good.

Alex: Smooooooooth, baby!

Clover: Maybe Kurt isn’t so bad after all.

>She giggled, the sound of someone who is truely carefree.

Sam: Now she has a schoolgirl giggle to go with her schoolgirl hair.

Alex: Now *there’s* a mental picture for the fanboys.

>I finally realized what it was about that word. Belief is the one thing I've been missing in my life. And now I believe in my friends, and in myself. So I >can do anything, as long as I believe.

Clover: And on that timeworn cliché…

>The End

Sam: But Cammy White will return in “Clones Only Live Twice”!

Alex: Cool!

[SATELLITE OF SPIES]

Sam: Hey! We have an incoming call!

Alex: Is it Jerry again?

Sam: I don’t know. <smacks the button>

<Suddenly, the viewscreen comes to life. It displays the image of a young blonde woman with long twin pigtails>

Cammy White: Hello!

Spies: CAMMY?!

Clover: Why are you calling us?

Cammy: Well, we here at MI6 managed to intercept the signal to your satellite and I thought I should clear up a few items about the story you read.

Alex: You were spying on WOOHP communications?!

Cammy: Actually, Hanna was just trying to get free HBO for the office. She’s not much of a hacker.

Sam: So it would seem.

Cammy: Anyway, I thought I should say some things about this whole “Believe” storyline.

Clover: Such as?

Cammy: Well, we have a very clear “no fraternization” policy here.

Alex: Really?

Cammy: Yeah. But it doesn’t stop that tramp Moneypenny from trying.

Clover: Ouch.

Sam: So… You’re not really dating Kurt.

Cammy: Actually, he’s not *technically* an employee anymore. See, we had to put him on worker’s comp.

Alex: And the point of this is…?

Cammy: I just didn’t want anyone thinking I was violating some policy.

Clover: Oh?

Cammy: They might take away my gun and laser watch if they thought that.

Cammy: What the…?

Juli: Rogue Agent Cammy, you are under arrest.

Juni: We are brining you back to Master Bison for reprogramming.

Cammy: No way! <struggles to escape> I have a personality now! I’m not going back dammit!

Juli: You will be assimilated.

Juni: Resistance is futile.

Cammy: NOOOOOOO!!

Clover: Well, that kinda sucks for her, doesn’t it?

Sam: Your compassion is overwhelming, Clover.

\ | /

\|/

-------FWOOOOSH!!-------

/|\

/ | \

Mandy:<muffled> Hello?! HELLO?! WHERE THE HELL IS EVERYBODY?!

THE REAL END

(The “Totally Spies” closing theme plays)

Starring The Voices Of:

Jennifer Hale as Sam/Mandy/Magic Voice

Andrea Taylor as Clover

Katie Leigh as Alex

and

Jess Harnell as Jerry

Guest Starring:

Maggie Blue O’ Hara as Cammy White

and

Katie Leigh as Juni and Juli

Well, another day, another MSTing. TST3K has been on hold for a long, *long* time. I’d like to thank Blackjack Gabbiani who gave MSTers everywhere a free opportunity to MST any of her fanfics. I just hope someone is around to read the results. TST3K seems to have less of a readership than my original, and still ongoing, MSTing series, CCST3K.

For those who *do* read this series, you may have noticed I changed the format of the host segments. Mostly it’s for my own ease of use. And now that ff.net has a “Totally Spies!” section. I’ll finally be able to get some more appropriate fanfics starting with episode 4’s “Beverly Hills Zombie”.

Until then,

-CardCaptor Schlueter (aka Syaoran-kun)

Season One:

1) The Brain From Planet Arous-A Ranma ½ Fic By Ryoucilo

2) The Mike Rhea Anthology-Ranma ½ Fics By Mike Rhea

(Loves Me, Loves Me Not/ Akane Gets Drained/ Konatsu’s First Kiss)

3) Neon Ranma Evangelion-A Ranma ½ /Neon Genesis Evangelion Fic By Khyron Kingkiller

4) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 1)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy

5) Stolen-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou

6) Good Bye Sweet Li (Part 2)-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Lady Yuy

7) The True Power Of Love-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By poshul

8) Marco Polo-A Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By hikaru shidou

9) Madison’s Mystery Crush-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Chocolat*

10) Is It Reality Or Just A Trick?-A Sailor Moon Fic By Dr. Thinker

Season Two:

11) The Next Generation-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By JimAndZazu

12) Caught In The Act-A Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Second Sailor Destiny

13) The Shadow Leaders-A Sailor Moon Fic By Dr. Thinker

14) Shinji’s Alter-Ego-A Neon Genesis Evangelion Fic By John82

15) Sailor Jupiter Vs. Godzilla-A Sailor Moon Fic By Flashman (Christian A. Rogers)

16) Temples, Captors And Knights (Part 1)-A Card Captor Sakura/Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By Syaoran’s Lovertoy

17) No Need For CardCaptors-A Tenchi Muyo/Card Captor Sakura (CardCaptors) Fic By Christina Horton

18) Temples, Captors And Knights (Part 2)-A Card Captor Sakura/Magic Knight Rayearth Fic By Syaoran’s Lovertoy

19) Mother, May I [Take Over The World]-A Pokemon Fic By Mallet Boy

20) Syaoran: Romeo… Not Really-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By Golden Eyed Dragon

Season Three:

21) Harry Potter And the Pantie Raiders-A Harry Potter Fic By Ice Blue X

22) The Unforgettable Promise-A Love Hina Fic By KenshinRC

23) To Find My Dad And Have A Family-A Card Captor Sakura Fic By MoshiMoshiQueen

24) Revolutionary Girl Asuka-A Neon Genesis Evangelion/Shoujo Kakumei Utena Fic By Joyce K. Wakabayashi

25) A Dream Come True-A CardCaptor Sakura Fic By Crystalina Rhapsody Draco

26) The Only Constant-A Star Trek: The Next Generation Fic By Stephen Ratliff

27) The Lionel Dark Anthology-Card Captor Sakura(CardCaptors)/Lord Of The Rings Fics By Lionel Dark

(Signs That Say You’re Like Lionel Dark/ More Signs The You’re Like Elle/ The Scythe Carrier)

28) The Ranma ½ Cast Does CCS-A Ranma ½/CardCaptor Sakura Fic By Matthew Cline

29) Megamon X-A Pokemon/Megaman X Fic By Brock Shale

30) Hotaru Goes To Hogwarts-A Sailor Moon/Harry Potter Fic By Saturn Angels

Season Four:

31) The Bubblehead, The Jerk And The High School-A Sailor Moon/Gundam Wing Fic By Jayde Summers

(w/ short True Search-A Shoujo Kakumei Utena Fic By SparkleOfEnergyHeidi)

32) Find You Again-A Vision Of Escaflowne Fic By winged angel

33) The XXX Files-A Shoujo Kakumei Utena Fic By Reanna R. King

34) First Release-A CardCaptor Sakura/Ranma ½ Fic By Wishbringer

35) Bubblegum Card-Ep. 3.1415-A Bubblegum Crisis/X-Men Fic By Kris Overstreet

26) The Black Hole-A Pokemon Fic By Dr. Thinker

Deep Fried SPAM:

1) Why Not Make A Little Money While Surfing The Net

2) Now Offering For Your “Sensitive” Delight… New And Improved!

3) Why RPGs Should Be Severely Censored And Devoid Of Character Development

Specials:

-Christmas Special-Under The Mistletoe/Tsubasa Gets What He Deserves-Ranma ½ Fics By Mike Rhea

-Summaries Of Suffering Vol. 1-A CCST3K Spin-off By Ciircee and Chelle-Sama

-Summaries Of Suffering Vol. 2-A CCST3K Spin-off By Ciircee and Chelle-Sama

Other MSTings:

Totally Spies Theater 3000:

Season One:

1) What If Meowth Was A Girl?-A Pokemon Fic By Dr. Thinker

2) Sailor Trigger-A Sailor Moon/Chrono Trigger Fic By Sailor Koban

(w/ short BB Hood’s Rampage-A DarkStalkers Fic By FlamingSmileyFace)

3) Believe-A Street Fighter Fic By Blackjack Gabbiani

>"Like you know from working," Cammy huffed sarcastically.

Mystery Science Theater 3000 and its related characters and situations

reserved.

Keep Circulating The Fanfics....